Finding Fulfillment Beyond Needing to be Needed

by Lindsay | Jun 12, 2024 | Motivational, Relationships

Hey, lovely ladies!

I want to share something that has been on my mind lately and I’m sure it’s something many of you can relate to. Have you ever stopped to think about how nice it is to feel needed? I know I have, especially lately. As women in our 30s, many of us are navigating through life changes and this feeling of being needed can sometimes be a major source of our identity and fulfillment, especially for those of us who are wives and/or mothers. After all, women are designed to be nurturers so it’s only natural to have a desire to be needed.

For me, this feeling has been somewhat of a struggle recently. I often find myself reflecting on the various aspects of my life and even more now given all the changes and challenges I’ve endured. My roles have significantly changed and it’s left me questioning my feelings about my purpose and self worth. Recently, I heard someone mention how nice it is to feel needed, and wow, it really resonated with me. That hit me so hard and it got me thinking about the times in my life when I’ve felt the most fulfilled, and many of those moments have been when I’ve been needed by others — whether it’s by my partner, my daughter, or even my furballs.

Lately, though, I’ve found myself grappling with not feeling as needed as I used to. It’s a bit of a shift, isn’t it? When your children grow up and become more independent or when circumstances change and your role as a caregiver evolves, it’s difficult.  I’ve found myself wondering about my value as a person and a woman now that I’m not needed in the same ways.

And let’s talk about pets for a moment. They’re wonderful companions, no doubt about it. I’m grateful for them and couldn’t even begin to tell you how nice it is to have their companionship in my home. But as fulfilling as it is to care for them, it can be overwhelming (especially when you have SIX of them) and it’s just not quite the same as the need we feel from a partner or a child. Plus, their conversation skills aren’t all that great either (haha).

So, when major life changes occur and we’re no longer needed, where does that leave us? How can we navigate this feeling of not being needed in the same ways and find fulfillment once again in other aspects of our lives?

1. Redefine Your Identity

First and foremost, it’s important to remember that our worth is not solely defined by being needed by others or what we can give to others. We are complex, multifaceted individuals with so much more to offer than just our caregiving abilities. Take some time to rediscover the other parts of yourself that you may have put on hold while you were needed in a different capacity. Reflect on what makes you truly happy without the gratification of serving others.

2. Cultivate Self-Care

Now is the perfect time to invest in self-care. Whether it’s through a new hobby, a fitness routine, or even just some quiet time to yourself with a facemask, popcorn, and binge-watching your favorite show, self-care is essential for maintaining a positive sense of self-worth.

3. Build Other Relationships

While the dynamics of our relationships may change, there are still plenty of opportunities to connect with others. Strengthen your friendships, reconnect with family members outside of your home, or consider volunteering in your community. Building and nurturing these relationships can provide a new sense of purpose and fulfillment.

4. Set New Goals

Setting new goals and aspirations can help to create a sense of purpose. Whether it’s a career goal, a personal milestone, or a new adventure, having something to work towards can be incredibly motivating and fulfilling.

5. Practice Gratitude

Lastly, practicing gratitude can help to shift your focus from what you feel you may have lost to what you have to be thankful for. Take time each day to reflect on the positive aspects of your life and the things that bring you joy. Maybe even start a gratitude journal where you can capture what you’re grateful for each day and go back to reflect on days where you might be struggling more than others. 

Feeling needed is a natural and fulfilling part of life, but it’s important to remember that our worth goes beyond this feeling. By redefining our identity, practicing self-care, building relationships, setting new goals, and being thankful, we can find fulfillment in many different aspects of our lives. And remember, you are not alone in this journey. We are all navigating through these changes together.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Have you experienced a similar shift in your life? Let’s continue this conversation. Your perspective is always valued and appreciated!

As always, with love,

-LS

Overcoming Insecurities in New Relationships to Build Trust

by Lindsay | May 29, 2024 | Motivational, Relationships

Dear brave-hearted women,

Wading in the uncharted waters of new love after experiencing betrayal and heartache can feel like stepping onto a tightrope without a safety net.  The wounds from past relationships, especially infidelity and divorce, can leave deep scars that cast shadows of doubt and insecurity on our ability to trust again.  As women who have weathered storms of disappointment and betrayal, it’s natural to approach new relationships with a mixture of hope and trepidation.  But amidst the uncertainty, there lies the possibility of healing, growth, and love that surpasses past pain.

As someone who understands the weight of emotional baggage and the struggle to feel worthy of love after being hurt, I want to share some insights on how to navigate these murky waters and find solace in the embrace of a new relationship.  I’m still going through this myself and by no means have it all figured out.  I also find that although my head knows the right thing to do, sometimes putting it into practice in the moment is hard.  One important step is to find a partner who’s understanding and empathetic, willing to be patient and reassuring, and is committed to you, your healing, and building a healthy and long lasting relationship with you.  The fact is, we all have baggage.  Finding the person willing to unpack it all with you (and you with them), your ride-or-die, is the most important part.

Acknowledge Your Feelings:

The first step towards healing is acknowledging your emotions.  It’s okay to feel vulnerable, insecure, and afraid.  By allowing yourself to feel these emotions without judgment from yourself or from others (again, this is where the right partner is paramount), you pave the way for healing and self-discovery.  Once you figure out how you truly feel and discern your worries, you can begin to take the next steps toward moving forward.

Honor Your Past, Embrace Your Present:

Your past does not define your future.  While it’s essential to acknowledge the pain of your previous relationship, it’s equally important to recognize that you deserve happiness and love in the present moment.  Embrace the opportunity for a fresh start and allow yourself to be open to new possibilities.  The person you’re with now isn’t anyone from your past.  Even though it might be hard to put the past behind you, try your best to look toward a positive future with someone who genuinely cares about you and your happiness.

Communicate Openly:

Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship (no matter the type of relationship, but especially a romantic one).  Be honest with your partner about your fears and insecurities.  Expressing your feelings allows for vulnerability and fosters a deeper connection based on trust and understanding of one another.  Opening op to your partner might help them to respect you more and even encourage them to open up deeper to you as well.

Set Boundaries:

Establishing boundaries is crucial in rebuilding trust and safeguarding your emotional well-being.  Clearly communicate your needs and expectations with your partner and don’t be afraid to assert yourself if something doesn’t feel right.  You can’t live in fear that your boundaries won’t be respected and that might cause you to lose someone.  If that’s the case, it could just be they’re not the right person for you and it’s better to know that now.

Practice Self-Compassion:

Be kind to yourself during this journey of healing.  Practice self-care and self-love, nurturing your mind, body, and soul.  You’re worthy of love and deserve to be cherished just as you are.  If you aren’t compassionate with yourself and set an example, how can you expect your new partner to show you compassion/?

Trust Your Intuition:

Trust your instincts when it comes to discerning whether someone is genuinely invested in your well-being.  Pay attention to red flags, but also allow yourself to trust in the possibility of love and connection.  Even though it’s important not to project past relationship traumas onto new relationships, it’s also important to keep in mind that if it doesn’t feel right, it might not be and that’s okay.

Take It Slow:

Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is trust.  As much as you want to give unwavering trust from day one, that’s not always realistic in a new relationship of any kind.  Take your time getting to know your new partner and allow the relationship to unfold naturally.  Rushing into things may exacerbate feelings of insecurity and doubt.  Again, trust your gut!

Seek Support:

Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or a therapist who can offer guidance and encouragement along the way.  Sharing your experiences with others who understand can provide comfort and validation.  You want to put the best and most healthy version forward in any relationship you enter into, but also have the ability to recognize red flags and know when to walk away.  Learning to know the difference can help save you from potential heartache, but with proper support and guidance, can help you establish a long-lasting and beautifully trusting relationship.

Focus on Personal Growth:

Use this time to focus on your personal growth and self-discovery.  Invest in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment and cultivate a sense of independence and confidence outside of the relationship.  Allow your partner time to be an individual as well.  Building a strong sense of separation and time to miss each other early on can help develop healthy routines and patterns in your relationship that can be sustained long term and lead to lasting success.  As much as you want to spend time with your partner, learning to trust them during times you’re not together is important and having your own separate activities outside of the relationship is a great way to practice that.

Believe in Second Chances:

Lastly, believe in the power of second chances.  While the scars of past hurt may linger, they do not have to define the course of your future.  Allow yourself to embrace the possibility of love, knowing that you are stronger and wiser because of your experiences.  This might even be the case for your partner as well, so embrace each other, your baggages, and learn to love and trust each other in healthy ways.  You’re a team so work together to achieve a beautiful relationship and break free from insecurities in time.

Remember, dear friends, healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time.  Trust that the right person will see your worth and treasure the beautiful soul that you are.  You are deserving of love, happiness, and a future filled with hope and possibility.  Hold your head up high, be confident, and feel secure in yourself and your relationship.  Even if that’s easier said than done right now, trust me, it will be worth it in the end!

With love and solidarity,

-LS