by Lindsay | Mar 13, 2024 | Miscellaneous, Travel
Howdy y’all!
If you’d have told my almost 18-year-old New Yorker self that I’d be living in Texas for the next 21 years, I probably would’ve laughed and asked if you meant New Jersey. But here I am, exactly 21 years to the day later from when I moved to Texas and I’d like to share the things I’ve learned since living in the Lone Star State.
Cowboys Are Real, But Not Ubiquitous
First things first, not everyone in Texas is a cowboy. I mean, sure, you’ll see a fair share of hats and boots, but the entire state isn’t a scene out of an old Western movie. However, you will need a pair of broken-in boots. Trust me, they are essential for fitting in and surprisingly comfortable once you get used to them. I’ve also recently purchased my first straw hat that matches my boots. So although I don’t live in Fort Worth or attend the rodeo regularly, I think I might be an officially Texas cowgirl now.
Tumbleweeds and Roadrunners: Myths Debunked
Tumbleweeds do exist. They are not, however, constantly rolling down Main Street. You’ll spot them occasionally, especially when the wind kicks up in West Texas, but it’s not the wild, wild West all day, every day. And roadrunners? They’re real too, but they are not big, purple, or perpetually chased by coyotes. They’re small, quick little birds that you might miss if you’re not paying attention. In fact, I’d been seeing them for years running across the road and never even knew that’s what they were until I asked someone what they looked like.
The Truck, The Boots, and The Gun
Yes, you must own a truck. It’s like an unwritten rule. Whether you need to haul hay or just navigate the sometimes rough terrain, a truck is your best friend. Plus there are many places in Texas that a small little Honday like mine just can’t get to. Potholes in Texas are the size of, well, Texas. Along with the aforementioned requirement to own a good pair of broken in boots, you’ll also need a gun. And no, this doesn’t mean Texas is a dangerous place. It’s more about the culture of hunting, self-reliance, and being prepared.
(Disclaimer: This is meant to be taken in a humorous manner and I’m by no means suggesting for anyone to purchase or possess a firearm, especially if that’s not something you’re comfortable with or not legally able to obtain. I’m merely saying that it’s not uncommon in the culture of Texas to see them openly and frequently, which is much different than the culture in New York. Here, guns are more commonly acceptable to have by even the small town’s little grandma. As they said in the movie Miss Congeniality, “this is Texas; even my florist has a gun!”.)
The Language of Texas
“Y’all” and “reckon” are proper English here and I’ve even heard them in professional settings. It’s amazing how these words can make conversations more inclusive and friendly. I reckon I’ve picked up quite a bit of this charming Southern dialect over the years. And let’s not forget Spanglish. Yes, that’s a real language here. You’ll find yourself mixing English and Spanish in the same sentence without even realizing it. Phrases like “Estoy so tired” and “Vamos a la store” start to become second nature. It’s a beautiful blend that reflects the rich cultural tapestry of Texas and allows people of different dialects to more easily communicate and come together as one unified state.
Italian Food and Pizza
As a New Yorker, I hold a special place in my heart for Italian food and pizza. I hate to break it to you, but good Italian restaurants are few and far between in Texas. And pizza? Let’s just say, don’t set your expectations too high. I’ve had to become quite the home cook to satisfy my cravings or at least be willing to take a decent drive to a larger city to find a good “pie”. Oh and true story…the first time I asked a girl at a pizza joint here for a large “pie”, she was confused and replied “um, ma’am, we don’t serve pies here”. (SMH!)
Seasons: All or Nothing!
Typical seasons don’t exist in Texas. One day it’s summer, the next it’s winter. And sometimes, we get all four seasons in a single day. Dressing accordingly is an art form I’ve yet to master. Layering is your best friend and always have a pair of sunglasses, an umbrella, shorts, and a jacket in your bag or vehicle.
Check Your Boots
Always, and I mean always, check your boots before putting them on. You never know what could have crawled in there overnight, especially if you live in the country like I do. This is one piece of advice that I thank God I’ve never had to learn the hard way, but for others it only takes one surprise to make you a believer.
Texas is Huge
You can drive for 8 hours in almost any direction and STILL be in Texas. The sheer size of this state is mind-boggling. Weekend road trips can take you through deserts, forests, cities, and beaches, all without crossing the state line. In fact, you can fit New York states in the state of Texas.
Miscellaneous (and Humorous) Observations
Here are a few more quirky observations:
- Tex-Mex is its own food group. If you haven’t had enchiladas, birria, or breakfast tacos, you haven’t lived.
- Texans take college football very seriously. VERY SERIOUSLY. Choose your allegiance wisely.
- The phrase “bless your heart” can be both a compliment and a subtle insult. Context is key.
- Fire ants are tiny, but they are fierce. Respect them and always watch where you step.
- Barbecue is a sacred tradition. Each region in Texas has its own style and all are delicious. Try the brisket, ribs, and pulled pork in every city you visit. You can thank me later.
Living in Texas has been a wild ride full of laughs, lessons, and love. And hey, even some of my exes live in Texas! (haha) But in all seriousness, I’ve come to appreciate and adore the unique culture, the friendly people (generally speaking, of course), and the vast landscapes. While I’ll always be a New York in my core and you’ll still hear the accent come out every now and then, Texas has found a permanent place in my heart.
So, to my fellow ladies, whether you’re a Texan born and raised or a transplant like me, I hope you find joy in the quirks and charms of this incredible state. And remember, when in doubt, just smile, nod, and say “y’all”, and everything will be alright.
Bless your heart, get out and enjoy our great state!
-LS
by Lindsay | Mar 6, 2024 | Relationships
Hey there, fabulous ladies in love!
Let’s talk about something that’s as intriguing as it is entertaining to me: the magic of opposites attracting in romantic relationships. Picture this…you’re madly in love with someone who’s the complete opposite of you in so many ways. They snore like a freight train, while you sleep as silently as a ninja. They’re a social butterfly, but you’re a cozy bookworm. They’re a spender and you’re a budgeting guru. But somehow, amidst all these differences, you’ve found common ground and your relationship thrives. You love them, despite being your polar opposite.
It’s a scenario we’ve all seen play out in movies, read about in books, and witnessed in real life. But how do these seemingly mismatched pairs make it work? Well, buckle up, because we’re about to jump into the “opposites attract” theory and the art of compromising when you’re in love with your opposite counterpart (as many of us tend to be).
In Exhibit A, let’s start with the classic case of the snorer vs. the non-snorer. You’ve probably heard the jokes about separate bedrooms or even separate houses to escape the nighttime symphony coming from one partner that keeps the other partner awake to no end. But hey, if it means both partners get a good night’s sleep and wake up refreshed and ready to face the day, then why not sleep separately? Especially if you’ve attempted ear plugs, those nose strips to reduce snoring, or the anti-snore position on your adjustable bed. Just be sure NOT to hold your snoring partner’s nose closed!! This is not healthy for them or you if they wake up swinging! Embracing separate sleeping arrangements doesn’t mean your love is any less strong. It simply means you value your sleep (and sanity) and can actually be a sign to each other that you value the other’s wellbeing more than how you think your relationship should look. The important thing to focus on is still getting enough intimacy and connection the relationship needs to thrive in ways other than cuddling up next to each other at night. But there are tons of other ways to accomplish those types of connections, like cuddling on the couch while watching your favorite TV show before hitting the sack, so don’t be afraid to explore other options that work best for you both. And on the plus side, when sleeping separately you get to skip the morning breath! In all seriousness though, do what suits you best whether it be getting used to sleeping through a ruckus or throwing in the towel and sleeping in a separate bed or couch if all other attempts don’t pan out.
Next, there’s the adventurous extrovert paired with the quiet introvert. One craves the thrill of new experiences and the buzz of social gatherings or storm chasing, while the other finds solace in the comfort of home and the company of a few close friends or family members. But guess what? These people always find each other! And no matter how awkward the initial conversions might be, they actually end up complementing each other perfectly in the long run. The extrovert encourages the introvert to step out of their comfort zone, while the introvert grounds the extrovert when needed and provides a safe haven when the world gets too overwhelming in their face-paced mindset. It’s a beautiful balance of yin and yang and sometimes in these cases these opposites are the best pairings for a successful long term relationship.
Now, let’s talk about everyone’s favorite/least favorite topic: money. We’ve all heard the saying, “opposites attract, but they don’t budget together.” Well at least in my most recent experiences, I can attest to that being true. One partner is a saver, diligently squirreling away every penny for a rainy day, while the other is a spender, living for the moment and enjoying life to the fullest. But with a little compromise and communication, it is possible for these two to find a middle ground that satisfies both their financial goals and their desire for fun and spontaneity. Maybe they set up separate accounts for personal spending while maintaining a joint account for shared expenses (you know, those less fun and responsible “adulting” things). Maybe one partner is completely in charge of the monthly bills and expenses (only if both parties are comfortable with that!), then they give themselves and their partner an allowance of any surplus each month that wasn’t used for bills or savings. Or perhaps they agree on a budgeting strategy that allows for guilt-free splurges now and then or sets a limit in place that is comfortable to them both, like $500 per month, where anything spent under that amount is fair game while anything over that amount will require a conversation between them prior. Whatever the solution, the key is to find a balance that works for both parties and takes all their income, budget, savings, and spending goals in mind. The overall goal is to be on the same page about the long term financial goals and to think outside of the box in terms of what options are available and best fit you both to meet those goals. Being on the same page and acting like a cohesive team is most important, whether regarding money or any other situation!
Lastly, let’s not forget about those little everyday differences that make life interesting. One partner is a night owl who burns the midnight oil, while the other is a morning person who greets the sunrise with a smile. One loves rom-coms, the other prefers horror flicks. One is a foodie (or a chef) who’ll try anything once, while the other is a picky eater with a limited palate. One falls asleep 12 seconds after hitting the pillow and the other takes hours of scrolling before their eyes feel tired. One person is a talker and the other is the strong silent type. These quirks may seem trivial, but they can become sources of tension if not addressed with humor, understanding, and a little bit of encouragement from each other to reach outside personal comfort zones. Maybe you take turns picking the movie for movie night or you compromise on a restaurant that offers something for both adventurous and more selective eaters. It’s all about finding creative solutions that allow both partners to feel heard and respected, while supporting each others’ differences and celebrating individualities. No two people are exactly the same, even people who love each other deeply, so remember that and choose to have fun instead of get frustrated with these small and trivial variables.
At the end of the day, what matters most in a relationship are the core values and priorities that bind you together. Trust, intimacy, communication, loyalty, fun, and connection are the foundation upon which a strong and lasting relationship is built. As long as these big-picture elements are in place, the small differences become nothing more than endearing quirks that add flavor to your love story. It’s not about conforming to societal norms or trying to fit into a preconceived mold of what a relationship should look like. Instead, it’s about embracing the unique dynamics of your partnership with your favorite person and crafting a love story that’s authentically yours. So, whether you’re a snorer paired with a non-snorer, an adventurous extrovert matched with a quiet introvert, or any other combination of opposites, remember that love knows no bounds. Once you’ve chosen your person, fallen in love with them, and committed to being together no matter what, as long as both partners are happy and satisfied and the important stuff is taken care of, then you’re doing it right and set up for success. Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to love. Embrace the beautiful chaos of opposites attracting, find harmony in love’s quirks, and build a relationship that’s uniquely yours. Celebrate the beautiful tapestry of love’s diversity and find joy together in the delightful dance of opposites attracting. I hope all your relationships will be filled with lightness, laughter, understanding, empathy toward each other, and endless joy.
Cheers to embracing your quirky opposite and as always, lots of love,
-LS
by Lindsay | Feb 28, 2024 | How To and Tutorials, Relationships
Hi there, fellow women in transition!
Changing your last name can be a significant step in your life journey, whether it’s due to a marriage, divorce, or any other reason. It’s a decision that involves personal identity, tradition, and sometimes, legal processes. Whether you’re taking on a new last name, reverting to your maiden name, or a combination of the two, the process can vary depending on your circumstances and location.
As a woman who has recently gone through both a marriage and then a divorce back-to-back, I understand the complexities and emotions involved in this decision. Changing your name can be empowering, but it’s also a process that requires careful consideration, planning, and execution. From what I’ve learned recently, I thought I’d share my thoughts and a short guide for women who are contemplating changing their names, whether after marriage or divorce. Or if you’re changing your name for any other reason, hopefully this might help you as well!
Reflect on Your Identity
Before diving into the logistical aspects of name change, take some time to reflect on your identity. Your name is deeply tied to your sense of self and changing it can feel like a significant step. I will admit that just before my wedding, I started to get cold feet about changing my name, even though I’m quite traditional and know that it was something I always wanted to do. It’s important to consider how you feel about your current name and whether a change aligns with your personal identity and goals. If you’re changing it to take your new husband’s last name, although this will be YOUR name, it is nice to also consider his feelings. Is he also traditional and is taking his last name important to him? If he’s fine either way, this may take a little pressure off of you and can really do what you most feel comfortable with. And this may seem a little more on the shallow side, but again since it is going to be your name, do you even like it? Does your new husband’s name fit with your first and middle names and is it something you’ll be happy having forever? On the flip side, after getting a divorce and if you have children together, consider how you might feel having a different last name than your children (assuming you’re considering going back to your maiden name). If that’s not a big deal to you then great because especially in today’s day all families look and sound different. However, you may want to think about keeping your married name for the sake of ease when dealing with your children’s school or medical providers, or even to maintain the sense of family and continuity for your children even after going through a divorce, if those are things that resonate with you. No matter what option you decide on, it’s all about what YOU want and what will make you happy and comfortable, so think about all your options thoroughly before making YOUR final decision.
Understand Your Options
Whether you’re changing your name after marriage or divorce, it’s essential to understand your options. In the case of divorce, you may choose to revert to your maiden name, keep your ex-spouse’s name, or adopt a completely new name. After marriage, you can opt to keep your maiden name, take your spouse’s last name, or have a hybrid or hyphenated last name. I always thought the option of making my maiden name my new middle name when taking my husband’s surname as my new last name. However, I personally didn’t opt for that because my middle name is special to me. Though had it been something not quite as sentimental, this definitely would have been something I considered. If you’re a professional or have any kind of public persona or identity, you may choose to legally take your husband’s last name, but keep your public and social name your maiden name. Again, there’s no hard and fast rule on what name changes need to look like so take some time, write down your options, practice writing and saying them aloud, then see what sticks.
Legal Requirements
Research the legal requirements for changing your name in your jurisdiction. The process can vary depending on where you live, so be sure to familiarize yourself with the necessary steps and paperwork. In most cases, you’ll need to file a name change petition with the court and provide supporting documentation, such as your marriage certificate or divorce decree. When I got divorced, I had to have special language in my decree that the judge signed saying that I was able to legally take back my maiden name. Even if you’re not sure of your final decision upon getting your divorce, I would recommend putting this in your decree to prepare you should you decide you do want to change your name.
Notify Everyone
Once you’ve legally changed your name, you’ll need to notify relevant parties of the change. This includes updating things like your Social Security card, driver’s license or state ID, passport, and any other government-issued identification documents. You’ll also need to inform your employer, banks, insurance providers, and any other institutions with which you have accounts. Don’t forget to update your name on personal records such as your voter registration, professional licenses, and memberships. You may also need to update your name on utility bills, rental agreements, and other contracts. Informing your friends, family, and professional network of your name change is an important step. Consider sending out an email or social media announcement to let people know about the change and update your contact information accordingly. Be patient in the in between time where people might still be adjusting to your new name or where it takes time to make the update. In today’s digital age, it’s also fun when you get to update your online profiles and social media accounts with your new name. This includes platforms such as LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and any other sites where you have a presence. This might serve to also help with reminding family members of the recent change. Lastly, remember to update your personal and work email signatures and website if you have one as well.
Here is a more specific guide to help you with all the places you’ll need to remember making the change.
1. Legal Documents:
– Social Security Card: Update your name with the Social Security Administration by completing the appropriate form (Form SS-5) and providing documentation of your name change, such as a marriage certificate or divorce decree.
– Driver’s License or State ID: Visit your local Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) or equivalent agency to update your driver’s license or state ID with your new name. You’ll typically need to bring your current ID, proof of your name change, and payment for any associated fees.
– Passport: Apply for a new passport with your updated name. You’ll need to fill out a passport application form, provide proof of your name change (such as a marriage certificate or divorce decree), and submit your current passport along with the application.
2. Financial Accounts:
– Banks and Credit Unions: Contact your bank or credit union to update your name on your accounts, including checking, savings, credit cards, or loan accounts. You may need to visit a branch in person and provide proof of your name change. In my area (Texas), I had to wait until I received my new driver’s license before I was able to complete this step for one of my banks and had to bring it in person, along with my marriage certificate/divorce decree. Two of my other accounts just required that I provide a photocopy of all my documents through their online portal when I submitted my application to request my name change.
– Investment Accounts: Update your name with any investment accounts, such as brokerage accounts, retirement accounts, and mutual funds.
– Insurance Policies: Notify your insurance providers (auto, health, life, etc.) of your name change and request updated policy documents with your new name.
3. Employment and Professional Records:
– Employer: Inform your employer of your name change and provide any necessary documentation to HR, such as a marriage certificate or divorce decree. Update your payroll records, email address, and employee benefits accordingly.
– Professional Licenses and Certifications: If you hold any professional licenses or certifications, such as a nursing license or teaching credential, contact the issuing authority to update your name on file.
4. Government Agencies:
– Voter Registration: Update your voter registration information with your county or state election office to ensure that you receive election materials and can vote under your new name. I was actually able to complete this step during my application to change my driver’s license, but again, this may vary from state to state.
– Tax Authorities: Notify the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) and any applicable state tax authorities of your name change. You may need to update your name on your tax returns, W-2 forms, and other tax-related documents with your employer.
5. Utilities and Services:
– Utility Bills: Update your name on utility accounts such as electricity, water, gas, mobile phone plan, and internet/cable service. Contact your utility providers to request the change and provide any required documentation.
– Rental or Mortgage Agreements: If you rent your home or have a mortgage, update your name on your rental or mortgage agreement. Contact your landlord or mortgage lender to make the necessary changes. They can provide you with the necessary steps that they require in order to make the change.
6. Online Profiles and Social Media:
– Email Accounts: Update your email display name and signature to reflect your new name. You may also need to update your email address if you choose to create a new account.
– Social Media Accounts: Update your name on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, and any other sites where you have a presence. Review your privacy settings and adjust them as needed.
7. Miscellaneous:
– Memberships and Subscriptions: Update your name with any memberships or subscriptions you hold, such as gym memberships, streaming service platforms, magazine subscriptions, and professional associations.
– Legal Documents and Contracts: Review any existing legal documents and contracts (e.g., leases, wills, power of attorney) to ensure that your name is updated as necessary. Consider consulting with an attorney for guidance on updating legal documents.
By systematically going through this checklist and updating your name in each relevant area, you can ensure a smooth transition after marriage or divorce. Remember to keep copies of any documentation you provide and don’t hesitate to reach out to the appropriate authorities or organizations if you have any questions or encounter any difficulties.
Consider Professional Assistance
Name changes are fairly common so companies are usually familiar and equipped to facilitate them quickly, but every company is different on what their require and when so be sure to reach out for assistance as soon as possible. If the name change process feels overwhelming, consider seeking professional assistance. There are services available that can help streamline the process and ensure that all necessary steps are taken care of. Or if you have a good friend or family member that has recently changed their name, ask for their input. That doesn’t mean you have to follow the exact same steps they did, but they might be able to offer some insight or give more personalized suggestions since they know you better than anyone, as especially if they live in the same area that you do.
Embrace Your New Identity
Finally, embrace your new identity with confidence and pride. Whether you’ve chosen to reclaim your maiden name or adopt a new one, your name is a reflection of who you are. Embrace this opportunity for self-reinvention and embrace the next chapter of your life with optimism and determination.
Changing your name after marriage or divorce is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration and planning. By following this guide, you can navigate the name change process with confidence and ease. Remember, your name is an integral part of your identity and whatever you choose to do, do it for yourself and no one else. Here’s to embracing new beginnings and forging ahead on your journey of self-discovery and empowerment.
With lots of love and my new/old name,
-LS
by Lindsay | Feb 21, 2024 | Birthdays, Holidays, & Seasonal, Miscellaneous
As I may have mentioned before, at least a time or two (haha) last year was the most difficult year of my life thus far. During some of my darkest times, someone close to me told me the best thing I could do is take care of myself. If I couldn’t do anything else but get out of bed that day, then just focus on taking care of my mental, spiritual, and physical health as best as I could that day. In that regard, I spent a lot of time trying to make improvements in my life and heal myself in all areas. I had neglected myself and been unhappy for so long, that last year I finally decided it was time to make myself and my well-being a priority.
Having said all of that, I made a lot of purchases (inexpensive ones) that helped me on my journey to better all areas of my life. Although self care looks different for everyone, I thought I’d share with you some of my favorite products that I purchased last year. Some of these items were actually gifted to me by close friends or family, but most are things that I purchased after some research and/or recommendations from others.. Nonetheless, these are the things that helped me get through the last year and things that I would recommend to anyone to make improvements, not just someone going through a hard time.
1. Bidet
This might sound crazy, but hear me out! Investing in a bidet was a game-changer for my personal hygiene and comfort. This simple addition to my bathroom routine made a world of difference. Not only does it leave you feeling incredibly fresh and clean, but it’s also more eco-friendly than traditional toilet paper. It’s a small luxury that has brought a bit of spa-like indulgence into my everyday life. Super inexpensive and very easy to install. I did it all by myself without any tools!
2. Toilet Stool
This might seem like a strange purchase, but a toilet stool has surprisingly improved my digestive health. By elevating my feet, it has helped with a more natural position for easier “movements”. Recommended by my pelvic floor therapist, it’s a small change that has made a significant difference in my overall comfort and well-being.
3. Water Flosser
Flossing has never been the favorite part of my day, but the water flosser made it so much easier and even enjoyable. It’s more effective than traditional floss, reaching places that are hard to get to. My gums have never felt healthier and it’s now a non-negotiable part of my daily routine, especially now that I have Invisalign and am flossing and brushing like 5 times a day!
4. Cat Litter Box Cabinet
As a cat momma to THREE feline friends, keeping the litter box situation under control is crucial which helps me to reducce stress and improve my overall well-being and mood. Plus, I have large dogs that like to find the little “treats” my cats leave behind for them in the “sandbox”. Try convincing my dogs those aren’t for them! This litter box cabinet not only conceals the unsightly box, but also helps contain the mess and odor, as well as keeps it hidden from my nosy canine investigators. It blends seamlessly with my home decor and my feline furballs love their private commode too!
5. Astronaut Galaxy Projector
This lamp was actually a gift, but quickly became one of my favorite items and is a very affordable Amazon find. This little gadget transforms any room into a starry haven with its mesmerizing galaxy and star projections. Not only does it create a serene and magical atmosphere, but it also doubles as an adorable decor piece with its cute astronaut design. It’s perfect for setting a calming mood before bed and I seriously use it every single night now. The soft, colorful lights help me unwind and add a touch of wonder to my evenings, making it a delightful and soothing escape from the stresses of the day.
6. UV Gel Polish Kit
One of my self-care rituals is doing my nails which makes me feel put together and pampered. The UV gel polish kit has been a fantastic addition and allows me to achieve salon-quality nails at home, saving time and money. The gel polish lasts longer than regular nail polish and I love experimenting with different colors and designs. The kit I found on Amazon came with 30 different polish colors, the UV light to cure the polish, and a bunch of accessories like nail files, toe separators, and cuticle oil.
7. Charcuterie Board
Entertaining at home became a joy with the beautiful wooden charcuterie board I found stumbled across. Although it’s not technically for self car, it’s perfect for hosting friends or just treating myself to a fancy snack, both of which help my overall well-being. The board has sections for different cheeses, meats, fruits, and nuts, making it easy to create an Instagram- or Pinterest-worthy spread. It also came with little matching spoons, forks, knives, and dipping bowls to complete the presentation. Plus, it’s a lovely centerpiece for any gathering.
8. Cloud Sandal Slides
Comfort is key to feeling good and the cloud sandal slides I found have been my go-to footwear at home. They’re incredibly soft, easy to slip on and off, easy to clean when my dogs step on me with muddy paws, can be worn outside, and provide excellent support, making them perfect for lounging around the house or running quick errands. They’ve been a small, but significant addition to my comfort routine.
These are just a few of the items that made a big impact on my self-care journey last year. Each of these products brought a little bit of joy, comfort, and convenience into my life, helping me focus on healing and improving myself. If you’re looking for ways to enhance your well-being, I highly recommend giving these a try. Remember, taking care of yourself is the first step to overcoming any challenge.
With love, support, and happy shopping vibes,
-LS
by Lindsay | Feb 14, 2024 | Relationships
Howdy fellow romantics,
Even though we live in a world that seems to spin faster each and every day, where trends come and go as often as many of us change our underpants, the desire to have a traditional, long-lasting relationship remains a timeless aspiration for many of us. And by “us”, I absolutely do mean me included. While modern romance may emphasize and glamorize instant “microwave” gratification and casual romantic connections, there’s still something so fulfilling about the idea of a love that endures through all seasons of our lives. I often think about high school sweethearts that have been together from teenage years all the way until the end of their lives. To me, there’s nothing more beautiful than this type of unending connection.
Through all the research I’ve done since my recent divorce while trying to figure out how we failed so miserably and with the tons of self reflection I’ve done since that relationship ended, I finally feel that I have a decent grasp on what it takes to sustain a healthy and enduring marriage. And as a woman who truly cherishes the beauty of tradition and unwavering commitment, these are things I will absolutely be intentionally implementing moving forward. Today I’m here to share these insights with you as well on how to nurture a lasting love and have a traditional relationship that stands the test of time.
1. Willingness
This may seem like a no-brainer, but especially in my recent personal experience, the number one factor for a fulfilling and sustainable relationship is the willingness of both parties. Even during rough patches, if both people show up and are 100% committed to try to resolve any issue that comes along, they’re already ahead of the curve and on the road toward the success of the relationship. That’s not to say it will be an easy ride, but on the flip side, if one person isn’t willing, that’s basically a guarantee that the whole thing is doomed to fall apart.
2. Mutual Respect
The cornerstone of any lasting relationship is mutual respect. Although relationships are for sure about togetherness, it’s also vital to honor each other’s individuality, opinions, goals, and aspirations. Listen attentively, empathize sincerely, and communicate openly. These gestures demonstrate respect that will lay the foundation for trust, which is absolutely necessary for the longevity of your bond. Be sure to respect each other even during disagreements and celebrate your uniqueness, rather than looking at them as pain points that you’d like to change. When you truly respect someone for exactly who they are and accept all their flaws, you can build a relationship that’s meant to last and sets the tone for reciprocation.
3. Communication
Effective communication is the lifeline of every relationship. Be willing to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly, be transparent about EVERYTHING always, and encourage your partner to do the same. Communication isn’t just about talking, though. It’s also about actively listening and trying to truly understand each other’s perspectives to work together toward a common ground. Surface level conversations just won’t cut it either. You really need to talk and listen to each other on a deep level and know each others’ hearts inside and out. And pro tip: it’s absolutely essential to do this before marriage and getting too serious. You don’t want to skip out on the tough and uncomfortable conversations early, only to find out there are deal breakers once you’ve already married, moved in together, or started having children. Start the convos sooner rather than later so you know ahead of time that you’re on the same page or have plenty of time to get on the same page before difficult situations come up.
4. Prioritize Quality Time
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters. Make a conscious effort to prioritize quality time with your partner. Whether it’s a romantic dinner, a leisurely stroll, or simply cuddling on the couch, cherish these moments together and make time for them no matter what else is going on in your life. Invest in building shared experiences that strengthen your bond. Everyone’s needs and desires regarding frequency will vary, especially in the beginning or in less than ideal situations like long-distance relationships, but as long as the priority is made and the quality is there, quantity doesn’t necessarily have to be a hardship.
5. Make Traditions
While modernity has its charms, there’s a timeless elegance in embracing tradition. Whether it’s celebrating anniversaries, observing holidays, or upholding family values, tradition can provide a sense of continuity and stability in your relationship. Find special little rituals that resonate with both of you and weave them into the fabric of your life together. Make as many memories as you can together and with children or other loved ones that can be passed down through the generations. This will not only deepen your connection as a couple, but also as a family unit.
6. Forgiveness
Forgiveness plays a crucial role in fostering long-lasting relationships. Inevitably, conflicts and misunderstandings arise in any partnership, but it’s how we navigate these difficult moments that truly define the strength of our bond. Forgiveness allows us to let go of resentment and grudges, paving the way for healing and reconciliation. It’s about choosing to release the grip of anger and hurt, and instead extend empathy and understanding towards our partner. By demonstrating forgiveness, we create space for growth, compassion, and renewed connection within our relationship, ensuring that love prevails even in the face of adversity.
7. Practice Patience
No relationship is without its challenges. It’s essential to be patient and understanding with your spouse as you navigate the ups and downs. Be willing to look past mistakes, learn from them, and grow together. It’s not about avoiding conflicts altogether, but about resolving them with grace, dignity, integrity, and understanding for one another. Remember that you’re on the same team and working toward the same goals, so it’s likely that your partner’s mistake isn’t intentional or meant to hurt you. Being patient with them as they work through their mistakes so they can fully recognize, acknowledge, and accept what they did to upset you will hopefully help them feel safe and not judged during their low point. They’re simply a human (as are you!), so then be sure to forgive them often and fully, and move on. Patience allows us to weather storms with grace, knowing that growth and transformation require perseverance and resilience. It’s about giving our partner the time and space they need to flourish, while also being understanding and having empathy in moments of frustration or tension, or when they might be struggling and need you the most. By practicing patience and self control during challenging times, we cultivate a sense of harmony and balance within our relationship, fostering a love that endures the test of time.
8. Support Each Other’s Growth
Encourage each other to pursue personal growth and fulfillment. Celebrate each other’s achievements and be a source of strength in times of difficulty. A healthy relationship is one where both partners feel empowered to pursue their own separate dreams, while also knowing they have unending support and love at home. Our jobs as spouses are to be our partners number one cheerleader and support system, even when dreams don’t go quite as planned or take longer than expected. Always let know your partner know you’re there for them and they can rely on you as they grow into each stage of their life.
9. Nurture Intimacy
Intimacy goes beyond physical attraction and the physical act of making love. It’s also about emotional closeness and connection. Take the time to nurture intimacy through meaningful conversations, acts of kindness, and affectionate gestures. Keep the spark alive by continually exploring and deepening your bond. Kiss, hug, and hold hands. Talk openly and listen to each other. Be intentional with time spent together and really invest in opportunities to grow your bond. Whatever makes the two of you feel physically and mentally connected will help build intimacy and open the door to really feeling loved, cared for, valued, wanted, and supported by your partner.
10. Compromise, Compromise, Compromise
In every partnership, there’s bound to be differences. Nobody is the same, especially when you consider that opposites supposedly attract. So always remember that compromise is key. Be willing to meet halfway and find solutions that honor both of your needs and desires. Recognize that you’re a team and your strength lies in your ability to navigate life’s challenges together. Sometimes when you can’t come to a 50/50 agreement on a particular situation, learn to pick your battles. Let your partner have their desired outcome this time if it’s not something truly essential for you and ask them to do the same for you in the future. As long as both of you are putting in equal effort, equal sacrifice, and are equally as happy with the outcome of your life together overall, you’re on the right track.
11. Never Stop Dating Each Other
Just because you’ve been together for years doesn’t mean the romance should fade. Keep the flame alive by continuing to date each other. Surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, plan spontaneous adventures, and never underestimate the power of a simple heartfelt love letter. Even stay-at-home dates where you have dinner and a movie in pajamas on the comfort of your own couch can be plenty, especially in the young children stage of life. The most important thing is that you’re carving out special time for just the two of you without phones, kids, or other distractions and doing something together that you and your sweetie enjoy.
12. Celebrate Your Love Every Day
Remember to celebrate love every day, not just on special occasions. Express your love, gratitude, and admiration for your partner regularly. Create an atmosphere of warmth, desire, and appreciation that permeates every aspect of your relationship. Be kind to one another and always take time out of every day to make your spouse feel wanted, cared for, and special. Wake up every single morning and choose them in the good, bad, and the ugly and be sure to end every single evening with an “I love you” and never in anger.
13. Be Best Friends
Being best friends with your partner is a cornerstone of creating and sustaining a long term relationship. Life is about sharing laughter, adventures, and inside jokes. It’s about having the kind of bond and special closeness that only the two of you can understand. When we prioritize having fun together, we infuse our relationship with joy and spontaneity, keeping the spark alive even amidst life’s challenging seasons. Whether it’s exploring new hobbies, taking trips and adventures, or simply enjoying each other’s company on a relaxing Sunday afternoon, having fun together strengthens our connection and reminds us why we fell in love in the first place. It’s through these shared moments of laughter and playfulness that we deepen our friendship and create memories that last a lifetime.
14. Love Unconditionally
Loving someone wholeheartedly and without conditions may be a pretty difficult thing to do. After all, it’s the perfect kind of love, the way that God loves us. So achieving unconditional love might be extremely difficult and we may even make some mistakes along the way, but it’s paramount we try and it can truly be the difference between a relationship that lasts and one that doesn’t. Once you’ve decided on your partner and that they’re the right one for you, and you’ve fallen deeply in love with them, being all in unconditionally can form an unshakable bond. Make the choice to love them and fully commit to loving them no matter what they do, what goes on around the two of you, and through every situation that comes up throughout your time together. Don’t think about how you might be able to love them more if they did more of “this” or less or “that”. Take them exactly as they are, let them know they’re safe with you, can be completely themselves with you, and choose to love them unendingly with all their unique quirks and flaws. When there are rough days or months, always try to remember the reasons you first fell in love with them and that any struggle is only temporary. Your “ride or die” will always be by your side no matter what comes along and be sure your partner can count on you to be there for them the same way as well. Remember that the grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but if you don’t water it over there, it won’t grow either. So in my opinion, it’s so much better to stick with the lawn that you’ve got, plant some pretty flowers, grow a garden, and watch the beautiful harvest that will unfold for a lifetime.
Building a traditional, long-lasting relationship requires dedication, commitment, and a willingness to journey together through life’s joys and challenges. By prioritizing mutual respect, effective communication, and a shared commitment for growth, you can create a love that withstands the test of time. In hindsight, although I made many mistakes as a wife and know that I’m likely to make many more mistakes in the future, it’s only now that I’m able to see that despite my mistakes it never would have worked out in the end. I simply didn’t have a partner that shared the same core values as I do and many of the things that I’ve shared here were completely non-existent. I really do believe these factors are the foundations to a long-term relationship and know that it’s possible for me in the future with the right person, just as I believe it can happen for you too. So here’s to embracing the beauty of tradition and nurturing a love that lasts a lifetime. I wish a lifetime of happiness to you and your (present or future) sweetheart as well.
With love and commitment,
-LS
