by Lindsay | Feb 11, 2026 | Faith + Growth
When nobody chooses you, you have to choose yourself.
After years of loss and heartbreak, I’m choosing myself and trusting God. I know He has a purpose for me and I was made for something more than just survival.
I’ve always felt like I was made for something more. Not in an entitled way. Not in an I’m better than anyone else way. Just in a quiet, persistent knowing that my life has a purpose beyond surviving loss after loss.
If you’ve been around the last couple of weeks, you know I’ve really been going through it. Honestly though, the last five or six years of my life have felt like a nonstop cycle of grief, goodbyes, and rebuilding from scratch over and over again. It’s been draining in a way that’s hard to explain unless you’ve lived it. I’ve felt like I’m in a non-stop transition and just barely surviving. Every time I have hope that life is settling and I may have found someone or something, it gets ripped away and I start all over again.
It feels like nobody ever chooses me. Well the reality is, they actually don’t. And yet, I still feel like I was made for something more.
I don’t know exactly what the “more” looks like right now. I don’t know how it’s all supposed to come together or when. I just know I wasn’t created to live small, unnoticed, or unused. I believe I was made with intention and purpose. There’s something specific I’m supposed to do. I just don’t know what it is yet.
Over the last couple years in transition and trying to meet new people, I’ve continually been praying a bittersweet prayer: God, please remove the people and things from my life that don’t serve the purpose You have for me.
And wow, He has. There’s literally nobody left. He’s peeled away all the bad decisions and missteps I’ve made while grasping straws to figure it all out.
Recently I’ve really been asking God to remove one specific person from my life who has been around a very long time. I’ve actually asked this for this person many times, but he always comes back. If he wasn’t meant to be there, I needed God to remove him for good because I knew I’d never be strong enough to do it myself. It’s not what I wanted so when he comes back, I always let him.
That person was and is the love of my life. I want him permanently. I want a seat at his table without fear of loss. I want him in my future.
But out of the blue, God created a moment where it became clear to us both that staying wasn’t the best choice. We ended things calmly and amicably, but incredibly ambivalently and tearfully. It made sense logically in my mind and although it wasn’t what I wanted, I followed his lead when it seemed like there were no other smart options left to stay.
But my heart is devastated. This wasn’t the answer I wanted. It may ultimately have been the answer I needed and have been seeking from God for so long, but that doesn’t soften the blow any more and my longing for a different outcome. It’s been hard and the emotions keep coming back up like a rollercoaster and stronger than ever.
But I’m trying to trust that God knows what I don’t. He saw things I didn’t see. He heard things I didn’t hear. He knows what’s best for me and he’s acting with kindness because of his unconditional love for me. So even when an answer feels cruel, it’s protective. He’s helping me choose what’s best for me since I’m not able to do it myself. He’s protecting my heart and mind just like I’ve asked.
The truth is, even when I doubt it and even when I feel forgotten by the entire world, God did choose me. Jesus chose me when He took the wage of death for my sins. He chose me when He loved humanity knowing it would cost Him everything. And that is way more significant than being desired or chosen by anyone in this broken world.
So now, even though there’s a longing to again have what I lost, I have to choose myself. And I have to choose Him. Sometimes obedience looks like letting go of something you would have held onto forever and turning it all over to God so He can work on your heart. I’m trying to not let my heart be hardened by it all and just lay it all at His feet so he can get me through this transition and into my purpose.
Now that I’ve had a minute to grieve, I’ve decided I’m entering what I can only describe as my ghost mode. I don’t want to disappear or further isolate myself because my biggest desire is connection, but to strip away all distractions so I can listen. I need to drown out the noise that’s been louder than God’s voice. I need to figure out who I am when I’m not chasing love, approval, or belonging from people who can’t give it to me. I need to filter out all the things I’ve been trying over and over to get to the real things I’m supposed to be prioritizing and focusing on.
Recently, my daughter’s best friend passed away at just 25 years old. That shook me. All of us. Because she had such an amazing heart and made an impact in her short life that will be remembered forever by all who were honored to know her.
But it made me ask a terrifying question: If I died today at 40, would anyone say the same about me? Quite simply, the answer is no.
The desire is there. My heart is there. The intention has always been there.
But somewhere along the way, my energy kept getting poured into people and situations that trampled my huge heart instead of using it for good. My heart has been chipped away over and over, and I’ve strayed so far from where I need to be. So this next season is about focus, obedience, and about trusting God even when He doesn’t hand me the full plan. Because He doesn’t give us the whole roadmap. He gives us steps and asks us to walk. So it’s my job to hear, listen, and obey.
I know there has to be more than this. God has answered my prayer and removed ALL the people and things not meant for me or to help fulfill His purpose for me. I’m in my pruning and rebuilding season. But there has to be more than two people on this planet, my mom and my daughter, who choose me. There has to be someone who wants me and enjoys me. Someone I can help. There has to be a way to use my experiences, my pain, my losses to leave this world better than I found it.
I’m so tired. I’m so sad. But I’m so not done.
It’s time to rise. To trust my God. And to finally find out what I was made for. For the first time and when nobody else does, I choose me.
If you’re in transition, in a rebuilding year, in a season of grief and loss, trust that something big is coming from God for you too. He’s just getting you ready for your purpose and removing everything holding you back from it. I see you and I’m with you. Let’s choose “me” and God together!
Always,
by Lindsay | Jan 28, 2026 | Faith + Growth
When your child is hurting and you can’t fix it.
There’s a strange kind of grief that comes from being one step removed from loss.
This week I’m coming to you from a very sad place. My daughter lost her best friend a week ago.
Through this experience, I’ve come to realize there’s nothing that prepares you for watching your child hurt in a way you can’t fix. You can sit beside them, listen, cry with them, but nothing will take away their pain. And that helpless feeling is hard to comprehend until you’ve lived it (but hopefully you never have to!).
I keep thinking about her friend’s family—her dad, her brother, her husband—and how much deeper that helplessness must feel for them, watching the person they love most in the world suffer and slowly fade away. If it hurts this much to watch my daughter grieve, I can only imagine what it felt like for the people who loved her friend every single day of her way too short life.
As I’ve shared with my mom, it doesn’t even feel real yet. It all feels surreal—like how could the world just keep moving like nothing happened? It should have paused. Everyone should know the impact of what the world lost last week. She genuinely was a light so bright and brought joy to EVERYONE she encountered.
What keeps coming back to me, though, are the beautiful things that somehow still existed inside something so heartbreaking, devastating, and abrupt. Just as the world doesn’t stand still when something terrible happens, multiple and seemingly conflicting things can exist at the same time. Grief and love. Heartbreak and beauty. Loss and gratitude. Even when it’s hard to comprehend how those things can live side by side, they do and it’s what we need to try and focus on through the pain.
That’s something I’ve found myself gently reminding my daughter (and myself!) through all of this—that even while we’re still grieving and even while it doesn’t make sense, beautiful moments can still exist alongside the pain. One doesn’t cancel the other out.
She and her husband were able to get married just two days before she passed. They had been engaged for a long time and all they wanted to do was make it official. And they did! Getting to see that love honored before she left this world feels incredibly sacred. I’m so grateful to have witnessed something so beautiful and impactful. My daughter stood beside her as her maid of honor, just as she always had—faithfully, lovingly, without hesitation. It’s a moment I know none of us who witnessed it will ever forget.
Her family was also incredibly inclusive of my daughter throughout her illness and last few days, welcoming her into private moments, the hospital room, and the sacred space of saying goodbye all the way until her last breath. They honored not only their daughter and sister, but also the once-in-a-lifetime friendship she shared with my daughter. I will always be grateful for the way they made her feel seen, included, and valued during such an unimaginably difficult time.
Those moments don’t erase the pain. But they matter. They are evidence of love still showing up, even when everything feels broken.
My daughter, who loved her fiercely, also put together a GoFundMe to help with funeral and medical expenses, her younger brother’s college education, and the charities her friend cared about deeply. The generosity that poured in was overwhelming. People showed up in more ways than imaginable and went above and beyond for this girl and her family. The love I witnessed has restored my faith in humanity when I least expected it and provided even more of a glimpse into just how much she was loved.
My daughter and her friend met when they were in the 7th grade. Twenty-five years old sounds young, but when you’ve spent over half your life loving someone, supporting each other, growing up side by side…that’s a lifetime. I told my daughter that in many ways, they did grow old together. That kind of friendship is rare and it’s something no loss can erase.
I worry about my daughter now, though. Losing your ride-or-die—the person who knew you without judgment and stood beside you through everything—changes you, but especially being so very young. There’s no rushing through that kind of grief and there’s no right way to carry it. And as I’ve been told when working through grief in my own life, it isn’t linear. There will be waves and sometimes it will resurface when you least expect it—like how I know my daughter will hurt again when her birthday comes and her bestie isn’t there to celebrate with her or to be her maid of honor and help her put on her wedding dress.
Even though nothing can truly fix it, all we can do for our loved ones when they’re grieving is let them know we’re here when they’re ready. Sit in the quiet moments with them. Bring them Whataburger. Make sure they’ve slept and taken a shower. And remind them that even in unimaginable loss, love still leaves evidence behind.
This isn’t something I have answers for. This is not advice—just reflection. I’m still processing it myself and there are moments when the waves overcome me too. I just wanted to put words to what it feels like to witness grief up close and to honor a life that mattered deeply to the many, many, many people who loved her.
RIP, little bestie. We love you so much and will always miss you.
by Lindsay | Sep 18, 2024 | Faith + Growth
So, here I am, divorced and single for the first time, facing the reality that sometimes you just don’t have someone to go out with. I’ve never been one to eat alone at a restaurant or go to a movie by myself, so the thought of doing anything solo that people normally do with friends or a partner feels daunting. But lately, I’ve been asking myself: why not? Why should I wait for someone to experience fun moments with? Why not step out of my comfort zone and do the things I love… for myself?
That’s exactly what I did the other night when I went to a concert alone. For the first time ever. This was huge for me because I’m the kind of person who would feel awkward just sitting by myself in a café or dark movie theater, let alone standing at a concert. But here’s the thing—I didn’t want to sit at home (crying at a sad chick flick haha) just because I didn’t have a friend or boyfriend to go with me. So, I decided to be brave.
Taking That First Step Alone
I was scrolling social media and saw that one of my favorite local country artists was playing in my town that evening. I asked if anyone was free last minute to go with me and everyone I know (all 2 people haha) said they were busy. The tickets were only a cheap $10 for general admission ticket to this small, intimate venue. It’s not one of those massive, crowded concerts where you can blend into the sea of people. Nope. It was more low-key, which actually made me nervous and feel like I was going to stand out being alone. But I put on my big girl undies and decided I was going to go anyway.
I figured, worst-case scenario, I could always leave if I felt too awkward. I’d only have wasted $10 if that was the case. The moment I got there, I could feel the nerves kicking in. Actually, if I’m being honest, I was nervous on the drive over, but just kept telling myself it was no big deal. I could always leave if I needed to and the best part was I wouldn’t even have to arrange for a friend to call with a fake emergency like I’d have to if I was trying to escape a bad blind date.
At first, it was a little strange because, let’s be real, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was constantly checking my phone and watching the college football score on one of the TVs, but slowly, I got more comfortable. That could have been the White Claw I was starting to feel as well, haha! But seriously, nobody seemed to notice or care that I was by myself. Everyone was focused on the band, just like they should be. And guess what? I even had a friend (my own “hype man,” if you will) text me words of encouragement the whole time, cheering me on as I fought through those initial moments of awkwardness and fear.
A Solo Adventure Turned Sweet
By the end of the night, something cool happened. I stopped caring what anyone thought, started dancing a little more (and by “dancing” I mean moving side to side and nodding my head haha!), and I met a couple of people who started chatting with me randomly. I even got to say hello to the band members, who actually remembered me from meeting them at a previous show. I took pictures with them which I proudly displayed on social media the next day. It turned into a surprisingly fun evening. The moral? Stepping out of my comfort zone wasn’t just a challenge—it was rewarding. To my surprise, once I loosened up, I had a genuinely good time!
Sure, there were moments when I wished I had someone to dance with, especially when all the couples in front were doing their best country swinging. But in hindsight, I wasn’t really missing out, because I don’t know how to dance like that anyway (maybe that’s something I can try next!). The key is that I pushed through the fear of looking silly or being alone and I’m so proud of myself for doing it.
Dating Yourself is a Game-Changer
This night out got me thinking: why don’t we do this more often? We’re so conditioned to think we need someone to enjoy the things we love. But here’s the truth: you can absolutely treat yourself to a great night out, no matter what your relationship status is. In fact, especially if you’re single! I treated myself to a concert, a drink, and even picked up a pizza on the way home for the ultimate solo date night. And you know what? It was awesome.
When you’re single, there’s this temptation to feel like you’re waiting for something—or someone—to come along and complete your experiences. I know that’s an extremely common thought in my mind. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to wait. Life is happening right now and you deserve to enjoy it before it passes you by. What are you waiting for?!
Why You Should Try It Too
If you find yourself with a night off, a canceled plan, or just some free time without the kiddos (or even husband if you are married), why not take yourself out? Here’s my challenge to you: pick something you’d normally do with a friend or your partner, and go solo. It could be a concert like mine, a movie, dinner at your favorite restaurant, a hike and picnic, or even a mini road trip to a new spot you’ve been wanting to check out.
Here’s why you should:
- It Builds Confidence: Doing something on your own, especially when it feels intimidating, builds a new level of self-trust. You realize that you’re capable of enjoying yourself and that you don’t need others to validate your experiences.
- It’s Liberating: There’s something freeing about not having to coordinate with anyone else’s schedule or preferences. You get to pick exactly what you want to do and enjoy it at your own pace.
- You Get to Know Yourself: When you’re alone, you’re more in tune with your own thoughts and feelings. It’s a chance to reflect and really understand what makes you truly happy.
- It’s a Form of Self-Love: Treating yourself to experiences, whether it’s a night out or just indulging in something you enjoy, is an act of self-love. You’re sending yourself the message that you’re worth it (which you are!).
Don’t Wait—Enjoy Now
If you’re single, like me, you might be tempted to think, “I’ll start doing these things when I meet someone special.” But here’s a little secret: you’re someone special right now! And if you’re going to love yourself, why wait? Go date yourself. Treat yourself to the experiences you want to have because you deserve them.
The bottom line is that we shouldn’t let being alone stop us from enjoying life. Sure, it can feel awkward at first, but with a little courage and a lot of self-kindness, you’ll find that stepping out of your comfort zone is more than worth it. You never know who you’ll meet along the way or what other experiences and opportunities it could lead to. Plus, as Miley Cyrus kindly reminded us of, you can buy your own flowers and sometimes it feels great to do just that.
So next time you’re sitting at home wondering if you should just wait until someone’s free, do what I did—get up, grab your bag, and go. Whether it’s a concert, a movie, or a simple dinner, you’ll be glad you did. I promise!
And who knows? You might even meet some cool people along the way. But even if you don’t, the night is still yours to enjoy.
With lots of love and encouragement to try something new or scary,
-LS
by Lindsay | Apr 3, 2024 | Faith + Growth, Home + Life, Love + Relationships
Hello lovely readers,
I hope this finds you well. Today, I want to talk about something deeply personal and, I believe, relatable for many of us (unfortunately). As someone who’s recently become an empty nester and then gone through a divorce, I’ve found myself living alone for the first time (ever!). It’s been a strange and often challenging time, but it’s also a journey filled with self-discovery and some unexpected positives. It took me a while to realize them and get on board with my new lifestyle, but I’m learning to welcome the changes, embrace the challenges as they come, and adapt to my new life on my own. So how do you navigate solitude after divorce and becoming an empty nester?
Adjust to Solitude
When my daughter graduated in 2019 and moved out, the house felt eerily quiet and empty. I had anticipated this moment throughout her senior year of high school, knowing that she would soon turn 18 and leave to start her own life. While I understood that this was a natural progression, as a teen mom who had always had her by my side, the reality was still hard to face. Even though my husband was still at home, I felt an immense sadness when she left, struggling to find a new sense of purpose. I knew she didn’t need me as she did when she was younger, and while I still worry about her safety, I’ve had to trust that she’s a smart and capable young woman. The transition from having her around all the time, especially as my only child, was incredibly challenging.
After my divorce, the silence that began when my daughter left became even more profound. Despite our rocky relationship, it was comforting to know someone else was there in the house with me. Although we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years, just having another person in the home provided a sense of security. We didn’t always communicate much, but knowing he was there for emergencies gave me peace of mind. The days leading up to his departure were daunting, and I was terrified to be on my own. The traditional view that men are the protectors and decision-makers in the home left me feeling vulnerable without him. Adjusting to this new lifestyle has been a slow process, but I’m gradually learning to trust myself, feel safe alone, and find ways to combat loneliness.
Now that I’m completely alone for the first time (minus my beloved furballs), I wanted to share some of my experiences and lessons learned. I hope these insights can help those of you facing similar situations. While I pray none of you have to go through a divorce, if you do, or if you’re transitioning to an empty nest, maybe these tips can ease your journey.
The Challenges
Living alone comes with its set of hurdles. These challenges have tested my resilience and forced me to grow in ways I hadn’t anticipated. Despite the difficulties, I’ve learned valuable skills and become more self-reliant in the process. Here are a few examples that I’ve encountered so far:
Household Maintenance and Repairs:
- Lawn Care: Mowing the lawn and weed eating were tasks my ex-husband typically handled. I had never even sat on the mower before he left, and unfortunately, he wouldn’t show me how to use it. So, the first time I used the lawnmower by myself, I had to learn how to change a flat tire, pump up two more by hand, turn it on, and then I scraped (and probably bent) the blades backing it out of the shed. Although I was nervous and there was a steep learning curve, I was determined because it had to be done, and there was nobody else to do it except me. It was a hot Texas summer day, and it took me several hours longer than it used to take him, but I did it. The sense of accomplishment I felt afterward was worth the sweat and effort.
- Plumbing Issues: When my toilet wouldn’t stop running and eventually turned from a trickle to a full-blown Niagara Falls gush, I felt overwhelmed and unsure where to start. I managed to turn off the water supply, spent hours watching YouTube tutorials, and made several trips to the store trying to find the correct parts to fix it. Despite changing out all the pieces inside the tank, I still couldn’t get it to flush and fill normally. After exhausting every possible solution over a few weeks and stumbling down the hall in the middle of the night to use the guest toilet, I finally broke down and spent the money on a plumber. He was impressed that I had attempted to fix it on my own and even gave me a discount because I was so close to fixing it. It turned out the parts I bought were faulty, which was reassuring as it showed I was on the right track. Although it was frustrating to be so close yet have to spend money I didn’t have on a plumber, it boosted my confidence and made me feel capable knowing I was almost there on my own.
Funny Side Story: The plumbing company was very adamant about keeping pets secured while their workers were on the job. I kept my dogs in the yard, as it was a nice cool day. The cats, however, were inside in the living room, but they were staying out of the way, so I let them be. My big meatball, who doesn’t typically like strangers, was hiding behind the couch. When the plumber finished and we were chatting while I was paying, he finally emerged from his hiding place and jumped up on the coffee table to say hello. The plumber commented on how much my cat looked like his own but couldn’t believe his size (he’s about 20 pounds). I guess my cat didn’t appreciate the comparison, and in true feline form, immediately swatted at the plumber, getting him pretty good on the finger. I was terrified the plumbing company would fine me or something for not having my pets completely secured, but luckily, they didn’t, and the plumber even forgave my cat after a few choice words!
- Emotional Loneliness:
- Coming Home to an Empty House:Walking into a silent home at the end of a long day can be profoundly isolating. I used to look forward to catching up with my daughter or husband, and the absence of that familiar routine leaves a void. While my pets are great listeners, their lack of reciprocation makes it hard to fill that gap.
- Dining Alone: Eating every meal alone is particularly difficult. Dinners and weekend breakfasts were always family affairs, times to connect and share our days without distractions. I deeply miss those conversations and shared laughter. Now, I seize any opportunity to have a meal with my mom, daughter, or friends. Plus, cooking for myself means I always have extra and get bored with the leftovers before I can eat them all. Recently, I’ve considered going to a local restaurant and sitting at the bar, just to be around people, eat something fresh and different (that I don’t have to clean up, added bonus!), and maybe catching an Astros game.
- Entertainment and Social Activities:
- Watching Shows and Movies: Watching TV alone can be lonely, especially if you’re used to discussing the shows and movies with someone else. To fill that gap, I now make it a point to recommend every good show or movie to my mom or a friend and always take others’ recommendations. This way, I have someone to chat with about them.
- Going Out: Whether it’s dining out, attending events, or simply going for a walk, doing these activities alone initially felt awkward. Fortunately, my dogs keep me company on walks, and we’ve recently started going down to the river to play in the water now that it’s summer. Going to the theater alone has never appealed to me, but it might be something worth trying. I’ve surprised myself with how many things I actually enjoy doing alone. Watching a rom-com by myself means I don’t have to worry about anyone else being bored with all the girly meet-cutes and “chick” stuff.
- Grabbing a Drink: Doing this alone used to feel intimidating, but I’ve discovered it’s quite liberating. Whether it’s enjoying a coffee at a cozy café or having a cocktail at a bar, I’ve learned to appreciate my own company and treat myself to these experiences as I would if I were with others. It’s a great way to unwind, people-watch, and even strike up a conversation with someone new if I feel like it.
- Handling Finances:
- Budgeting and Bills: Managing household finances alone was daunting. I had always been in charge of paying the bills, which I preferred, but my ex-husband and I used to pool our money together for this. Suddenly having sole financial responsibility was a significant shift. Even before he left, I started using a budgeting app to keep track of all my expenses and began cutting back on non-essential items like streaming services, nail appointments, and extra high-speed internet. It’s been a steep learning curve and required some sacrifices to our previous lifestyle, but I’m doing just fine with these adjustments. Embracing a simpler life has given me a better understanding of my finances, making me feel more in control despite having substantially less income.
- Unexpected Expenses: When the car needed repairs or an appliance broke down, the financial strain was more acute. Slowly but steadily, I’ve been building an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. Although progress is slow due to limited extra income and the need to feed seven mouths, this fund has given me peace of mind and a sense of preparedness.
- Security Concerns:
- Home Security: Living alone made me more conscious of security. While my three large dogs hopefully serve as a deterrent to potential intruders, I’ve also invested in security cameras placed around my home. These cameras might not completely prevent a break-in, but they act as an additional deterrent and can help identify a burglar if it comes to that. Having these measures in place has significantly alleviated my anxiety about being alone.
- Health Emergencies: The thought of having a medical emergency while alone was daunting. To address this, I made sure to have a list of emergency contacts easily accessible and set up regular check-ins with friends or family members. Additionally, I familiarized myself with basic first aid. One of my biggest fears is choking, so I purchased a device that can help dislodge food if I ever choke while alone. These precautions have given me a greater sense of security and readiness.
- Decision-Making Fatigue:
- Making All Decisions Alone: From deciding what to eat for dinner to making significant life decisions, bearing sole responsibility for every choice can be utterly exhausting. To alleviate this burden, I often seek advice from friends or family and streamline daily decisions by planning meals and activities in advance. While plans can always be adjusted later, having a clear idea of what to expect and something to look forward to has been immensely beneficial for my mental well-being.
Find the Silver Linings
Living alone certainly presents its challenges, but it’s also an opportunity to discover joy in the little moments. While there are still days or even longer stretches where I feel lonely and uncertain about what comes next, I’ve found several things that have made the journey easier. Whether it’s the satisfaction of finishing a DIY project, the tranquility of a quiet evening with a good book, or the freedom to watch whatever I want on TV, there are many small pleasures to appreciate. Here are some of the personal discoveries that have helped me embrace and thrive in my newfound solitude:
- Rediscovering Independence:
- Empowerment Through Self-Sufficiency: Handling household tasks and repairs on my own has been incredibly empowering. For instance, I’ve started repainting the inside of my home, something I had never attempted before and something my husband was actually against (not sure why?). Though it’s taken me about 8 or 9 months and I’m still nowhere close to done, the pride I feel looking at the freshly painted walls, knowing I did it myself, is immeasurable. They look so pretty now! Each small victory in self-sufficiency reinforces my capability and independence. I also installed a brand new light fixture in my dining room, which I’m still surprised I even attempted. However, it’s done, I did it all by myself, and it was inexpensive and easy! Now I have a more modern light fixture to go with my half-done freshly repainted walls.
- Not Being Needed for Everything: This aspect of my new life is bittersweet for me. It’s been extremely challenging not to feel needed or wanted anymore, and it has taken time to figure out my new purpose in life. However, having said that, it has been somewhat refreshing not to hear things like “where are my socks” or “hey, can I have 20 bucks?” These types of questions used to come from both my daughter AND ex-husband. While I enjoyed being the hero mom/wife to the rescue, it’s also been nice not to have to know everything for everyone else. Now I have the peace of mind of knowing that I won’t be questioned and if I put something somewhere it will be exactly where I know I left it later (unless a cat gets to it first).
- Personal Growth:
- Time for Self-Reflection: Solitude has provided me with ample time for introspection. I’ve started journaling regularly, which has helped me process my thoughts and emotions. This period of self-reflection has deepened my understanding of myself, my goals, and my values. It’s been a journey of personal growth and self-discovery.
- Pursuing Education and Skills: Investing in oneself and dedicating time to broaden one’s knowledge base is never a waste of time or resources. I’ve begun to consider what new things I want to learn and how I’d like to grow as an individual. Without the need to coordinate plans around others, I’ve started learning Spanish using an app on my phone. Even this small step in self-improvement feels significant and is something I’ve always wanted to do for myself but never prioritized.
- Freedom:
- Redecorating and Personalizing My Space: I’ve fully embraced the freedom to redecorate and rearrange my home according to my tastes and preferences. For instance, I’m converting my daughter’s old room into an office and an oversized closet for myself, and transforming my former step-son’s room into a guest bedroom. These projects are not only enjoyable for me but also make my home feel uniquely mine. There’s no pressure to complete everything quickly; I can work at my own pace, as time and finances allow.
- Flexible Schedule: Without needing to coordinate with anyone else’s schedule, I’ve established routines that suit me and my pets perfectly. I can exercise in the evenings, have dinner whenever I choose, and spend weekends indulging in hobbies or spontaneous outings. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that it’s okay to go and do whatever I want, whenever I want. I used to feel guilty about taking time for myself, but that’s no longer as much of a concern now that I’m on my own.
- Pursuing Hobbies and Interests:
- Rediscovering Old Hobbies: I’ve revisited hobbies that I had set aside. For example, I’ve started writing and painting again—things I loved in my younger years but lost touch with. Rediscovering these passions has been incredibly fulfilling and a wonderful way to spend my free time.
- Exploring New Interests: I’ve also delved into new interests, such as gardening and learning to speak Spanish, as previously mentioned. Engaging in these activities has brought me joy and creativity. Each new skill I acquire adds to my sense of accomplishment and well-roundedness.
- Building a New Social Life:
- Friends: My husband didn’t really care for me to have many friends so the few I did have were connected to him, which made it awkward to maintain those relationships after our divorce. Instead, I’ve been focused on making new friends who know nothing about my past relationship and can get to know the person I am now, in this current chapter of my life. Recently, an old friend mentioned that I seem different after my divorce, and while it may not have been meant positively, I agree. I am different—I’m still myself, but I’ve undergone significant changes physically, mentally, and emotionally, and I’m okay with that. Finding new people who accept me without judgment and appreciate me for who I am now has become very important to me.
- Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone: I’ve actively pushed my anxieties aside and embraced trying new things. From exploring new foods and restaurants to joining community groups and events, I’ve challenged myself to do things I wouldn’t have considered before. This has led me to meet fascinating new people and discover new passions along the way.
- Enhancing Home Comfort:
- Creating a Cozy Environment: I’ve dedicated time and effort to transform my home into a comfortable and inviting space. This includes investing in (affordable!) new furniture that I love sinking into after a long day. Decorating with plants has not only added a touch of greenery but has also brought a sense of calm and serenity to my living spaces. One of my favorite places to relax is my newly designed bedroom, which now feels like a peaceful retreat with soft lighting, soothing colors, and cozy bedding. Removing clutter, especially things that were not mine and were reminders of the past, has been incredibly liberating and has had a positive impact on my mental health. It’s allowed me to create a space that truly reflects who I am now and has significantly improved my overall well-being and mood.
- Personal Projects: Taking on DIY projects around the house has become a fulfilling hobby. I’ve built shelves for my decor and art pieces, and I’ve even created my own artwork to hang on the walls. These projects have not only added a personal touch to my home but have also given me a sense of accomplishment and pride. They’ve allowed me to make my space uniquely mine, which has been empowering and rewarding.
- Self-Care and Wellness:
- Prioritizing Self-Care: Living alone has given me the opportunity to prioritize self-care in ways I never did before. I’ve established a daily self-care routine that includes more down time, a skincare routine, and dedicating time to my hobbies and interests. This routine has become a non-negotiable part of my day and has helped me manage stress and improve my overall well-being. By taking care of myself, I’ve found that I have more energy and a more positive outlook on life.
- Fitness and Health: I’ve rediscovered the joy of incorporating fitness into my daily routine. Activities like lifting weights and low impact cardio have become staples in my schedule, and I love that I can do them at my own pace and on my own time. These activities not only keep me physically fit but also boost my mood and mental clarity. I’ve found that staying active is an essential part of maintaining my health and has become something I genuinely look forward to each day.
Tips for Thriving Alone
Despite the challenges and rollercoaster of emotions you’re bound to feel when living alone for the first time, there are numerous positives and opportunities that await. Here are some things you can do when you’re newly single and/or living alone.
- Learn New Skills: Take this opportunity to learn skills that will make you more self-sufficient. YouTube tutorials have been a lifesaver for me, especially for home repairs.
- Stay Connected: Loneliness can be mitigated by maintaining strong connections with friends and family. Regular calls, video chats, meet-ups, and even virtual hangouts can make a big difference.
- Redefine Routines: Without the need to cater to others’ schedules, you can create routines that suit you perfectly. Whether it’s meal times, workout routines, or leisure activities, tailor your daily life to what feels best for you.
- Pursue Hobbies: Dive into hobbies or interests you’ve always wanted to explore. For me, it’s been a mix of redecorating, writing, and picking up new crafts.
- Adopt Pets: If you don’t already have pets, consider adopting. My furballs, although hard to care for all by myself at first (there are 6 of them and I’m outnumbered haha!), have been an incredible source of comfort and companionship. They fill my home with energy and unconditional love. And their ability to sense my sadness or loneliness sometimes and provide extra snuggles at just the right time is so incredibly amazing!
- Join Groups: Look for local clubs or groups that align with your interests. Whether it’s a book club, hiking group, or cooking class, these activities can help you meet new people and create a sense of community.
- Volunteering: Volunteering at local charities has been another fulfilling way to spend free time. It’s not only rewarding to give back to the community, but it’s also provided a sense of purpose and can connect you with like-minded individuals.
- Enjoy the Solitude: Take advantage of the quiet to practice self-care and mindfulness. Whether it’s a long bath, journaling, or simply enjoying a cup of tea in peace, these moments can be deeply restorative.
Final Thoughts
Transitioning to living alone is undeniably challenging, but each obstacle overcome brings a sense of accomplishment and self-reliance. It’s a journey of rediscovery and empowerment. By sharing these experiences and tips, I hope to offer support and solidarity to those of you facing similar transitions. Remember, it’s okay to feel lonely at times, but it’s also okay to find joy in your own company and every challenge is an opportunity for growth and learning. With each step, we become more capable and confident, ready to embrace the next chapter of our lives.
To all the women out there navigating similar transitions, know that you’re not alone. We’re all in this together, finding our way, one day at a time.
As always, with lots of love,
-LS
by Lindsay | Mar 20, 2024 | Faith + Growth
Howdy fellow working women!
Let’s discuss a topic that resonates deeply with many of us: navigating career transitions. This is something that has been hitting so close to home with me lately, especially since it seems like literally everything else in my life changed and was turned upside down from what I was used to during my recent divorce. As I’ve realized now more than ever, it’s challenging to be at this crossroad in so many areas of my life, but especially professionally and especially all at once. The pull I’m experiencing for career change might have been propelled by all the other major life changes, facing pivotal moments and milestones whether I wanted to or not, that demanded me to take careful consideration in all areas of my life.
If you’re in a similar situation, whether it’s contemplating a switch in industries, re-entering the workforce after a break to raise your family or be a SAHM, or leaving your 9-5 to begin on an entrepreneurial journey, these transitions can be both daunting and exhilarating. I’m right there with you, so let’s chat about some practical insights, personal reflections, and valuable resources to help us all navigate these shifts with grace and purpose at this stage in our lives.
Embrace the Journey
First and foremost, let’s acknowledge that career transitions are a natural part of life’s journey. We don’t all keep the nannying position we had after school or the part time weekend bartending job we had in college. If you ended up growing to the bar manager position or started your own daycare center, awesome! But for those of you that outgrew the part time or temporary positions you were in at earlier stages in your life or needed more financial security than part time jobs could offer, remember that’s perfectly normal as well. Sometimes different jobs serve us better as different points in our life and aren’t meant to be our lifelong career path. Sometimes they’re just temporary to bridge us in the in between time or get us through school while working toward our ultimate career goals. During these huge transitions in our lives from one chapter and one workplace to another, it’s absolutely okay to feel uncertain or anxious about the unknown. Embrace this period of transition as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Remember, you’ve already accumulated a wealth of skills and experiences, both from out in the workforce and at home managing your household and family, that will serve as your compass in navigating this new terrain.
Define Your Why
Before leaping into a new career path, take the time to reflect on your motivations and values. What drives you? What brings you joy and fulfillment? What are your goals? Think about the goals you have for both yourself individually and for your family if you have one, along with your short term and longer term goals. Understanding your “why” will not only guide your decision-making process, but also fuel your motivation and determination during challenging times. Whether you’re seeking a greater work-life balance, better professional fulfillment, or the pursuit of a passion project (three of my personal “whys”), clarity on your priorities will set the foundation for success during this period.
Do It Scared
One crucial piece of advice for anyone considering a career transition is to embrace the fear and “do it scared.” It’s natural to feel anxious or uncertain about stepping into the unknown, but those feelings shouldn’t hold you back. In fact, some of the most rewarding experiences come from taking risks and pushing past our comfort zones. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the determination to forge ahead despite it. Every successful person you admire has faced their own fears and doubts. By acknowledging your fears and still choosing to move forward, you’re not only building resilience but also opening the door to growth and new opportunities. So, take a deep breath, trust in your abilities, and make that leap of faith. Your future self will thank you for it.
Leverage Your Transferable Skills
Transitioning to a new industry or role may seem scary, but don’t underestimate the power of your transferable skills. As women in our 30s and beyond, we’ve honed a diverse set of abilities, from multitasking and problem-solving to communication and leadership, that are invaluable across various domains. Identify and showcase these transferable skills as you begin on your career transition, highlighting how they align with the requirements of your desired role or venture. Think about which of your skills fulfills you, which you’re best at, and which make the most sense with the new path you’re looking to go down. Really focus on these skills, practice and master them, and own them! Having confidence in yourself when interviewing with new employers or prospective clients is crucial.
Continue to Learn
In today’s rapidly evolving job market, the willingness to learn and adapt is paramount. Whether you’re transitioning to a new field or launching your own venture, commit to ongoing education and skill development. There are a plethora of resources available today, so in order to stay on the top of your market and be competitive in your new venture, being an open book and willing to expand your knowledge base is so important. Explore online courses, workshops, or certifications relevant to your desired career path. Practice a growth mindset, viewing challenges as opportunities for learning and development. It’s not about having all the answers, but about being resourceful, having the resources available to you when needed, and being willing to grow into your new career so you can be the best you can be.
Network, Network, Network
They say your network is your net worth and this rings especially true during career transitions. Leverage your professional and personal connections to explore new opportunities, gain insights into different industries, and seek mentorship from those who have walked a similar path. Attend networking events, join industry-specific social media groups or online communities, and don’t hesitate to reach out to individuals whose careers inspire you. Networking isn’t just about securing job leads, but is also about building meaningful relationships that can support you throughout your career journey. LinkedIn is a great platform for making professional contacts, as well as for seeking job opportunities.
Seek Support
Navigating career transitions can feel isolating at times, but remember that you’re not alone. Utilize your support systems that can provide encouragement, guidance, and a listening ear during this journey. This might include friends, family members, mentors, or professional coaches who can offer valuable insights and perspective. Surround yourself with individuals who believe in your potential and are invested in your success. And don’t hesitate to lean on them for support when needed.
Be Resilient
Career transitions are rarely linear and setbacks or roadblocks are inevitable along the way. Embrace resilience as your greatest ally in navigating the ups and downs of your professional journey. Recognize that any “failures” are not really failures or a reflection of your worth, but rather challenges to learn, grow, and pivot toward new opportunities. Having a resilient mindset that thrives in the face of adversity and knowing that each challenge is merely a necessary stepping stone toward greater success is a positive plus to helping you stay motivated to reach your career goals.
Celebrate Your Wins
Amidst the uncertainties and adversities of career transitions, don’t forget to celebrate your wins, both big and small. Whether you land a new job, launch a business, or master a new skill, take the time to acknowledge and appreciate your achievements. Celebrate your courage, perseverance, intelligence, and your unwavering commitment in yourself to pursue your passions and goals. Every step forward is a testament to your strength and determination.
As we navigate the twists and turns of our professional journeys in our 30s, 40s, or 50s, embark on each career transition with the mindset of an opportunity for growth, fulfillment, and success. By defining our why, leveraging our skills, nurturing our networks, and embracing resilience, we can navigate these transitions with confidence and purpose. The path to career fulfillment is rarely straightforward or easy, but with hard work, support, and a willingness to jump head first into change, we can chart a course towards a brighter and more fulfilling future.
Please share your own experiences, insights, and tips for navigating career transitions with me! Together, let’s empower and support each other on this journey towards professional fulfillment and success.
Cheers to the beauty of change and the endless possibilities that lie ahead, and with love as always,
-LS
by Lindsay | Jan 3, 2024 | Faith + Growth
Hi friends!
Have you ever felt called to do something? Like a deep-down burning passion for something you felt you were meant to do? For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt a desire inside me like that to be a writer. However, as I sit down to write this, my very first blog post, I’m filled with not only a sense of excitement and purpose to be starting on this journey, but also of fear and uncertainty. Becoming a blogger is not just about sharing my thoughts with the internet world, but it’s also what I hope to be the beginning of fully embracing my calling as a writer.
Feeling The Fear
This is so scary because what if I fail? Or, unlike being a non-fiction writer, for example, sharing my unique perspectives and opinions through these blog posts is much more personal. What if that makes me feel a little too vulnerable for comfort and I want to give up? What if someone doesn’t agree with me or criticizes me for my opinions? Will I have a thick enough skin to brush off any possible haters? Who knows? Nevertheless, with this strong inner desire I’ve always felt to put pen to paper (well, fingers to keyboard), I really am compelled to share stories in hopes of resonating with others through my experiences.
Challenge Accepted
I feel like blogging specifically is going to be a way for me to get into a routine of practicing my writing in preparation for future projects, as well as giving me a creative outlet and a way to communicate to others far beyond on my typical day-to-day reach in my little office at work or my tiny hometown in Texas. I feel like I’ve truly lived and been through enough situations in my time on this beautiful earth that might prove to be valuable to share with others. One of my goals is for this to be so much more than just a hobby, passion project, or practice for myself though. I really do feel like writing is my divine calling and something that I just need to push through the fear to embrace to not only make myself happy and feel accomplished, but also as an opportunity to hopefully make an impact in others’ lives. To me, that’s absolutely the end goal, an added bonus, and a challenge that I hope I can live up to in the process.
How It All Started
I think this passion I feel all started sometime in my early 20s. I’m someone who isn’t embracing the aging process well mentally, which started way before it probably should have, and the thought of turning 30 was always very daunting for me. Prior to my 30th birthday, I had a sort of checklist of the things I’d envisioned for my life by the time I hit 30 and I felt so much pressure to have these things completed on time, even though I was the only one putting pressure on meeting these goals. Most of the list was comprised of what I assume to be typical pre-midlife aspirations like:
- Getting married
- Growing my family
- Buying my first home
I know those three seem pretty normal, especially for a young woman, but there was always one more on my list that I really felt strongly about accomplishing: publishing a book. I kind of think publishing a book is pretty unusual for your average twenty-something. However, for as long as I can recall, this has always been on my list and something I’ve longed to do.
I had already started my family when I had my daughter as a teenager, so technically I could cross that off the list, even thought I had always hoped to have more children. And by God’s grace alone I was able to purchase my first home all on my own just 11 days shy of my 30th birthday, so that too was miraculously able to be checked off my (self-imposed) list. Despite not being married by 30 and that probably being the one thing I felt the most outside pressure about, I have to say that honestly, the biggest disappointment at 30 was that I wasn’t yet a published author and hadn’t even officially made efforts to begin my writing journey. I really never prioritized that dream, despite always remembering having it, and reasoned that it was just because I was too busy working full time and being a single mom to my young daughter. But in all honesty, maybe it was also partially that I never really took myself seriously enough to think that I could actually publish a book or be of any real value to others with the things had to share through any writing I might produce.
My Inspiration: The Sweetest Gift from the Sweetest Girl
Knowing about my little “30-year-old bucket list”, if you will, on my 30th birthday my daughter gifted me a beautiful journal and pen. Inside the cover of the journal was a handwritten note that said:
“Since you didn’t finish your book
before your 30th birthday, now
you’ll have to finish it before mine”.
Oh my goodness, did I cry! Not only did my daughter know my dreams, but she wanted to see me achieve them and even wanted to help me do so in such a sweet way. She probably doesn’t know this, but knowing how much she was supporting me and that she was invested in my dreams was even more of a driving factor in my wanting to achieve them. What an amazing example it would be to demonstrate to my impressionable daughter to be able to be an independent, young, working mom and also accomplish my personal goals.
Not Believing In Myself Led to Procrastination
Now here we are nearly 10 years later (and only 7.5 years away from my daughter turning 30) and I’m no closer to reaching my goals than I was while approaching 30. That journal from my daughter, which will someday be the first draft of my book, is still blank at this time. My doubt in myself has led to me putting my dreams on the back burner, making excuses, and really just prolonging the timeframe in which I might actually be able to accomplish my goal.
The Rollercoaster Trying to Stop Me
Last year was truly a dumpster fire for me. I’ll save the specifics for another time, but trust me when I say it was rough. Honestly, the last 12 months have been the most difficult of my entire life. Luckily the year ended so much better than it started, but still, going through all the devastation I did so abruptly and so unexpectedly has really blindsided me and flipped my world upside down. I went through so many changes and was forced to face so many of my biggest fears all at once. But, I’m happy and proud to say with the support of my mom and daughter, and with a huge amount of faith and trust in God, I made it through! In the process, I’ve also realized that I’m so much more capable than I’ve ever dreamed I could be and with that, I have a renewed sense of motivation and determination. Combine that with the start of a new year, and I really do feel like this is the perfect time to start another new endeavor that I’ve been too afraid and been putting off for far long enough.
So this is my start. This year is the year I finally stop making excuses, procrastinating, letting fear and being in a rut stand in my way, and I start striving for my desires to write; for myself, for my daughter, and for anyone else who might stumble across this blog or anything else I might be blessed enough to write in the future.
A lot of the challenges and circumstances that began to transpire in the past year are still ongoing and yet to be 100% resolved. Along with that and the fact that I still work long full-time hours at a demanding job, I know that starting this blog and being consistent with my passion of writing will take effort. However, I really do feel that this is my time to make time for this, to prioritize this, to stop fearing this, and to embrace this. This is my calling. I can and will do it because it’s been something I’ve been longing for for so long.
In fact, earlier today I actually stumbled across a note in my phone from about 11 years ago with things I wanted to write about either in a blog post or short story format. Finding this note just solidified that this isn’t just a wild pipe dream I came up with one day. This desire to write has been something pulling at me and that I obviously have wanted to start at many different points throughout the last 10+ years. Now more than ever, in the midst of all the other changes I’ve been forced to embrace, I’m ready to change one more thing and start on my calling. If I can just push through the fear and doubt, I know it will be worth it because it’s both something for myself and something I can share with others.
Although this new journey ahead feels a little daunting, I truly feel empowered now more than ever after everything I’ve overcome the last year and that I’m finally stepping into my true purpose. I’m hoping my words have the potential to inspire, comfort, promote joy, or ignite change in those who take the time to read them. This isn’t just about fulfilling a promise to my myself and my daughter, but it’s about honoring myself and answering the call that has been tugging at me for so long. With each blog new post, I’m not only starting on this path as a writer, but also shaping myself into the embodiment of strength and creativity that I feel has always been within me. I look forward to reaching you all in the process as well. I sincerely appreciate anyone who takes the time to read these posts and share this little corner of the internet with me.
Can You Relate?
Is there something you feel strongly about that you’ve been putting off? For example, maybe you find a passion in cooking for others. Do you feel enjoyment out of preparing a beautiful meal for your loved ones? Well, maybe that’s your calling! Whether you love watching the look on your husband’s and kid’s faces as they take their first bite of a gourmet meal you made in the privacy of your own kitchen, you like donating your time to cook for others in a soup kitchen, or you decide to study at Culinary School and work in a Michelin Star restaurant, maybe cooking and seeing people enjoy the food you prepare is your calling. Take that next step and turn the tugging you feel inside into something you put into practice in your daily life, volunteer-time, or work week.
Now It’s Your Turn
Whatever it is that you’ve always felt compelled to do, whether it be a hobby, something for your family, or a new career path for you, I encourage you to no longer let fear or doubt stand in your way. This is my personal invitation to you to get out there and embrace your calling. I hope you find your true happiness and it’s the start of a brand new chapter of your life. Don’t be afraid and remember that it’s never too late. You can do this!
Happy New Year and with so much love and gratitude, welcome to my blog!
-LS
