Intentionally Single

by Lindsay | Feb 14, 2026 | Love + Relationships

Hello Beautiful Ladies!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day, happy Pet Mom Day, or happy Single Ladies Day.  For me personally, it’s happy “my cats and I are eating pizza and judging rom coms on the couch” Day.

Valentine’s Day hits differently when you’re 40, divorced, heartbroken, healing, and extremely single.  Trust me, I know!

And when I say extremely single, I mean no boyfriend, no situationship, no “it’s complicated”, no almost, no maybe, no potential.  It’s just me, my six furballs, and a gym crush who doesn’t know I exist (yet! LOL).

Last year I would have hated admitting that, but this year I’m choosing it.  Not because I don’t want love.  Not because I’ve given up.  Not because I’m pretending I’m fulfilled.  But because I finally learned that peace is way better than potential.

Somewhere along the way I realized being single isn’t the worst thing that can happen to me.  I NEVER would have thought I’d be ok with being single.  It was never what I wanted and frankly, I couldn’t imagine anything more horrifying.

And I actually think Mr. Situationship helped teach me that, even if I didn’t want the lesson at the time (being on the receiving end of it is a lot of more painful).  He is so bent on NEVER having a relationship that it forced me to look at the other side of things.  It opened my eyes to the “dark side” and helped me realize maybe being single isn’t so bad after all.

For years I was terrified of being alone.  I tried to make things work for way too long. I forced things.  I held on out of fear and anxiety and because I didn’t want to start over again.

I was scared to sit in this house by myself.  Scared to be the only adult responsible for everything.  The bills.  The decisions.  The pets.  The what-ifs.  I was scared I wouldn’t make it financially.  Scared that if I let go, I wouldn’t be able to rebuild.

But here’s what I didn’t know then:  God was already building this life for me.

I didn’t become independent because I felt brave.  I became independent because I had no other choice.  And somehow, with His help, I figured it out.  The house stayed.  The pets stayed.  I stayed.  I learned how to carry it all.

And now that I’ve built this life, I’m not risking it for something uncertain.  I’m not willing to risk it for anything.

When I started dating after my divorce, I was afraid, and really I still am sometimes, that nobody would want me.  I’m a little overweight.  I’m getting older.  I have a grown child and a small zoo of pets.  I come with baggage.

So I kept asking the wrong questions.  Could this possibly work even though it’s not perfect?  Could this become something? Could I make this fit?  How can I be better or do better so he’ll like me more?

But now I ask a different question:  Is this aligned?

Does he want what I want?  Are our lifestyles aligned?  Our beliefs?  Does he give me the ick (haha)?

And if the important things aren’t aligned, I let it go.  Protecting my peace is better than settling just because I’m lonely.

This didn’t happen overnight.  I told someone a couple months ago that I didn’t want a relationship unless I knew it was right.  Truthfully, I had been feeling that long before that.  I was tired of twisting myself smaller just to keep something going.

Mr. Situationship didn’t create that realization, but he definitely helped me solidify it.

He taught me something I didn’t want to learn.  You can care about someone deeply and still not be aligned for the life you want.  And forcing something because you’re scared to be alone will cost you your peace every time.

So here I am.  Fully undeniably single.

Not technically single.  Not emotionally attached but pretending I’m not.  Not loyal even though he isn’t loyal to me.  Not reserving space in my heart for someone who isn’t reserving space for me.

Just single.  And yes, it’s lonely sometimes.

I don’t have little kids at home.  I don’t have a husband.  I don’t have a huge community.  Some nights it’s so quiet in a way that feels heavy.

And then I think about my daughter’s best friend who just passed away.  She was surrounded by so much love and community and I still can’t make sense of it.  Why am I still here alone when she had so much life around her?  I don’t have the answers.

But I do have peace.  And that peace is new.

Peace became the proof that I’m exactly where God wants me right now.  If you had told me two years ago that I’d be this single on Valentine’s Day and not spiraling, I definitely wouldn’t have believed you.

I’m not single because no one wants me, even though sometimes it feels that way.  I’m single because I finally want the right love more than I want good enough.

I’m learning I don’t need validation, settling, or someone in my life just for the sake of having someone.

I still want marriage one day.  I want a man who puts God first.  Someone strong and steady.  Someone who can balance faith, fitness, work, fun, and purpose.  Someone who wants partnership, loyalty, intentionality, and safety.  Not messy and not chaos.

But until that man exists and God confirms it, I’m not committing to anyone.

I won’t move out of this house into a marriage house unless I’m completely sure.  I’m not giving up what God so carefully and generously put in place for me just to say I’m married.  I cannot afford to hand over my stability to something that isn’t solid   I’ve worked too hard to get here.

This home.  This independence.  This stability.  It didn’t come easy.  It came through heartbreak and fear and learning how to stand on my own two feet when I didn’t want to.

I’m protecting what God gave me.  Not out of fear, but out of wisdom because I cannot survive another shattering.  I won’t gamble my peace, my pets, my home, or my security for almost or maybe.

When I choose again, it will be for something certain.

For now I’ll date.  I’ll learn.  I’ll practice being social without attaching myself to Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right.  No casual that turns into confusion.  No rescuing broken men who need therapy more than a girlfriend.  No more letting someone control everything without giving me safety, clarity, and mutual respect.

From here on out I’m praying for discernment.   I need the ability to filter out what isn’t for me and the wisdom to recognize the man God has intended for me when he shows up.

In the meantime I’ll keep healing, growing in my faith, lifting weights, building businesses, and creating my community.

I’m flawed.  I’m divorced.  A little messy. Maybe hard to love.  But I’m trying really hard and I’m finally not terrified of being alone.

So this Valentine’s Day, I’m not posting a couples photo.  I’m not pretending I’m unbothered either.  But I’m also not settling just so I don’t have to sit with the quiet.

I’m intentionally single.  I guess.  At least for now.

And strangely, that feels strong.

Love you!

 

More From This Category:

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Written by

When No One Chooses You

by Lindsay | Feb 8, 2026 | Love + Relationships

Hey Ladies,

There is a specific kind of pain that comes when someone walks away from you.

It doesn’t just break your heart, but it rewrites how you see yourself.  It makes you feel insignificant.  Replaceable.  Forgettable.  Like no one is choosing you and maybe never has.

I just experienced loss in many forms, but the one that’s hitting the hardest right now is the one who chose to leave.  He said it wasn’t me.  He said all the right things.  We parted amicably.  But I still feel like I’m not good enough because he didn’t choose me.

He cares about me, but not enough to stay.  Not enough to value me or what we had.  Not enough to make more memories and plans for things we’d do in the future.  It’s over and the hole is huge.  Will I really never see him again?  I can’t bear that thought.  Especially while I’m feeling like if I had done better, tried harder, did something different, or was good enough, maybe he would have stayed.

I don’t have a large community or a long list of people to call.  So when someone leaves my life, romantically or otherwise, it creates a noticeable absence.  A gap that feels louder because there isn’t much noise around it to soften the blow.  And it’s even more unbearable when the person I lost was the one who I’d turned to for the best and most loving hugs when I’m sad.  The one person who could make it all better no matter what it was.  And now he’s gone.

Loss, for me, has rarely been abstract.  It has felt personal.  Repeated.  Patterned.  Historically nobody has chosen me for the long road.  I’m divorced.  I’m single.  I have nobody.

And that pattern is what hurts the most.

It’s not just that one person didn’t choose me (although that one person is huge and deeply impactful and current).  It’s that it feels like no one ever does.  Not for the long road.  Not permanently.  Not when it gets hard.  I keep being loved in moments or for only certain things and situations, but not in long-lasting decisions.  I’m wanted in pieces, but not chosen in full.  There’s no permanent seat for me at anyone’s table.

And when that keeps happening, it stops feeling like coincidence and starts feeling like a verdict about who I am and what I’m worth.

Even when I know in my head that a relationship might not have been right, my heart still aches with the same questions:  Why does it always end with them leaving?  What did I do wrong?  Why am I never good enough?  Why does nobody choose me?

And those questions don’t stay confined to relationships.  When I’m grieving, they also start to creep into my faith.  As a believer, I know in my head the “right” answer.  I know Jesus died for my sins.  I know God loves me.  I know I am valued.  But in the sad times, my mind twists that truth into something that seems to make more sense in my heart at that moment.

He didn’t choose ME.  He chose everyone.  It was a blanket salvation for all of us.  Nothing was personal.  Nothing was special just for me.

And then I feel guilty for even wanting it to be personal.  Desiring to be uniquely chosen by God or by a person makes me selfish and faithless.  But that’s not true.  Wanting to be chosen doesn’t mean I doubt God.  It means I’m human and suffering.  And the truth is, Jesus may have died for everyone, but He still saw individuals.  Here’s what I’m slowly learning, even through the tears and this unbearable heartbreak I never asked for:

He still stopped for the one woman at the well.

He still wept for that one friend.

He still left the ninety-nine for the one.

He still chose ME.

Even when my worldly person didn’t.

Love lost by a significant person does not cancel personal worth.  Being left by people does not mean you are unchosen by God.  And maybe the real work of grief isn’t convincing ourselves that we aren’t good enough, but learning how to hold our worth steady even when others choose to walk away.  Grief is inevitable in this life.  But we can’t let it steal our self worth or our joy and maybe that’s the point of grief and the lesson we’re supposed to work on.

I don’t have this figured out.  I’m writing this with a broken heart, not a healed one.  The pain I’m in today is new and raw and real.  But I’m trying in these first few days when I feel disposable and unloved and not good enough, to remember that my worth isn’t proven by who stays.  It isn’t erased by who leaves by choice.

And maybe being chosen by God doesn’t always look like being spared from loss.  He never promised that.  Maybe it looks like being carried through the heartache, like a subtle hug that’s so very needed, and like someone’s weeping with me even though nobody is physically present.  Even when you don’t feel strong, faithful, or special at all, He’s still there.  Despite the person who chose to leave no longer being there.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are broken. Psalms 34:18

To the person I lost, I miss you already.  More than a little.  I don’t know how to have a life that doesn’t include you.  You’ve always existed and now you left.  I just wish I was enough for you.  I wish you chose me.  But even though you didn’t, God did.  I’m suffering, but He’s with me and he chose me.

More From This Category:

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Written by

Grief by Choice

by Lindsay | Feb 7, 2026 | Love + Relationships

Hi Friends,

Grief after death carries a weight that is undeniable and sacred.

When someone dies, there’s shock, devastation, disbelief, and a kind of finality that steals your breath.  You may feel anger toward God, confusion about timing, or heartbreak over words left unsaid.  Death doesn’t ask permission.  It just takes.  And I would never, ever suggest that this kind of loss is anything less than horrific, confusing, or unbearable.

But there is another kind of grief that doesn’t get talked about as honestly:  the grief that comes when someone chooses to leave your life.

This kind of loss is quieter, but it cuts deeper in a different way.

Because instead of asking “why did this happen?”, you find yourself asking “why wasn’t I enough?”.

When someone dies, the love doesn’t feel like rejection.  When someone leaves, it’s personal.  They chose to leave YOU.

I want to be clear about something that matters deeply to me.  I would never wish anything bad on anyone who chose to leave my life.  I am so grateful that my ex-husband and others I’ve loved are alive, healthy, and able to build the lives that make them happy, even if it wasn’t me that was part of that happiness.  Death is not the alternative.  This isn’t a comparison of which pain is “worse.”  It’s an acknowledgment that the shape of the pain is different.

Loss by choice leaves room for hope and that’s what makes it so brutal.  Because they’re still out there.  Alive.  Existing.  Making decisions every day that don’t include you, on purpose.  You wonder if they think about you, miss you, or might change their mind.  The door could open again, but when it doesn’t, the disappointment resets all over.

Since 2020, loss has piled up in my life in ways I never anticipated.  It’s been nonstop.  I’ve lost 3 dogs I loved deeply.  I’ve lost family members to illness.  I’ve lost my marriage and with it, an entire in-law family I thought I would always be included in.  I’ve lost relationships that felt like home.  I’ve lost the hope in a relationship I thought might happen where the person turned out to be nothing like I thought.  My spirit has continually been broken time and time again.

Even earlier than that, in 2019, my daughter graduated high school and left to build her own life.  She now lives several hours away.  That loss was necessary and good and something I’m so endlessly proud of, but it still marked the beginning of a season where everything familiar kept changing.  Everything has been steadily unraveling.

Just yesterday we laid my daughter’s best friend to rest.  There aren’t even words to describe how sad that is and how much I feel for my daughter’s loss (and of course her family’s loss).  She lost the person she ran to about everything.  The one person who knew and loved everything about her with no conditions.  It’s a heartbreak that isn’t comparable.  But the one thing my daughter can focus on is it wasn’t personal.  Her best friend didn’t choose to leave her and the reunion in Heaven is going to be nothing short of AMAZING.

However, today, I’ve also lost my best friend.  But in a very different way.  It was by choice.

Last summer I shared that I had a situationship that ended.  However, because of how much he’s meant to me and for how long, I let him back in.  And he let me back in.  Over and over again.  Almost another year has passed now and this time it’s really final.  It’s over between us for good.  After knowing him for the better part of 20 years and being “together” off and on for the last almost 2 years, it’s over and I’m devastated.

My favorite human, my safe place with no judgement, my person.  I can’t remember a time he wasn’t in my life and in my thoughts.  He’s just always been there.  Like a circle, there was no beginning and I never thought there’d be an ending.  But now, I have to somehow find a way to move forward without him.  And it feels impossible.

I can’t remember the first time I saw him, met him, or our first hug so very long ago.  He just slipped in like he’s always been.  But now we’ve experienced our last of everything and I know I’ll never forget it.  I have to let go of all the plans we had, the shows and movies we started and never finished, the football games we’ll never get to go to, that restaurant we never got to try, another New Year’s Eve I won’t spend with him, and the fact that we’ll no longer make new memories.  Never again, forever.

Some people come into your life and feel like your people.  And when those people leave, it doesn’t just hurt.  It rearranges you.  It shatters you.

I know in my head that not every love is meant to last forever.  I know compatibility and timing matter.  I know feelings don’t always mean forever.  But my heart didn’t get that memo.  I’m broken over this.

Grief doesn’t follow logic and love doesn’t disappear just because it didn’t work out.  Maybe the hardest truth about grief of any kind is that it doesn’t invalidate what came before it.  Death doesn’t mean the love was wasted.  Being left by choice doesn’t mean there weren’t amazing memories made or that you’re unlovable, even though it feels that way.

Sometimes grief is simply the cost of having loved someone so deeply and genuinely in a world where nothing is guaranteed to stay and people change at different times.

But if I’m being honest (which I ALWAYS try to be), I would still choose love all over again, even knowing how much it hurts in the end, whether through death or choice.  Because the alternative is a life untouched.  A life where he was never a part of it.  And that feels like a different kind of loss altogether.  I guess what they say is true:  maybe it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.  At least I have the memories of “that one time when…”.

I will always love you and you will always be my person in every way.  Always.  Your shoes are just too big too fill.

Te amo, mi amor.  And that orange thing too.

Always,

More From This Category:

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Intentionally Single

Feb 14, 2026

I used to be terrified of being alone.  Now I'm intentionally single. Not because I stopped wanting love, but because I stopped being willing to lose myself trying to keep it.Hello Beautiful Ladies!Happy Valentine’s Day. Or if you’re single, happy Galentine’s Day,...

read more

Written by

Should I Let My Ex Back Into My Life?

by Lindsay | Nov 6, 2024 | Love + Relationships

I get it. You’ve moved on. Or at least thought you had, but then out of nowhere, your ex reaches out. Suddenly, you’re faced with that age-old question: should you let them back into your life or not? I know how confusing and emotional this decision can be. And of course, there’s no one-size-fits-all right answer, but there are questions you should definitely ask yourself before making any decisions one way or another and deciding what’s best when an ex wants to come back into your life.

Step One: Reflect on Personal Growth

The first thing to consider is growth—yours AND theirs. Have you grown since the breakup? More importantly, have they? Relationships often end because both people need to work on themselves individually (as well as on the relationship) and it’s essential to know if that work has been done.

• Have you both been actively working on self-growth? If you’re still in the same headspace or struggling with the same issues that caused your breakup, you’re likely very to repeat the same patterns and fall back into the same insecurities, mistrust, or disrespect that ended the relationship to begin with.
• How have you changed since the breakup? Think about the ways you’ve grown. Are you more confident, more self-aware, working on mindfulness to ease anxiety? Is this the version of you that your ex will appreciate or have you outgrown the style of relationship you had with them?

If you or your ex haven’t made significant personal strides, it may be worth pausing to give yourselves more time to reflect on both of yourselves and what went wrong in the relationship. When you both have this insight personally and as a couple, it will lead to the start of repairing what needs it for you as individuals and as optimal partners. Make sure you gauge where your partner is as well before making any decisions. These can be tough conversations to initiate, but very important. You can ask things like, “have you talked to anyone [a professional] since our breakup?” or “what self reflection or growth books have you read since we broke up?”. This isn’t to say you should expect them to be “all better” and healed at this point (same with yourself), but just that they’re intentionally working on becoming self aware and interested in making improvements both as an individual human for themselves and as a caring partner for you.

Step Two: Consider the Time Factor

Time can be a healer or a temporary distraction. How much time has passed since your breakup? A few weeks, months, years?

• Was the breakup fresh or a long time ago? If it was recent, emotions might still be raw and it’s easy to fall back into old habits. On the other hand, if enough time has passed, you might both have gained clarity.
• Were there unresolved feelings? Sometimes exes reach out because they miss the comfort, not because they genuinely want a fresh start with that person. Make sure time hasn’t blurred the reasons for the breakup.

On a side note, it might also be worth considering how long it’s been since they last broke up with someone else, if they dated someone after you. They could be lonely if they’ve recently just had their heart broken and looking for comfort in you. Their pain might be clouding their judgement or they could just be looking for a rebound with someone familiar. This of course isn’t to say you’re not valuable to them, but just that they might not be really be thinking about your best interests and only looking for a temporary fix to their situation and hurt from someone they know cares about them.

Step Three: Revisit the Reasons You Broke Up

This is one of the most important steps. Rewind to why you broke up in the first place. Were trust and betrayal factors or was it more a matter of timing or distance?

• Are the same issues still there? If the problems that drove you apart, such as trust issues or lack of communication, are still present, it’s likely the relationship will hit the same roadblocks, especially if these circumstances were the cause of extreme hurt and feelings of betrayal. Again, evaluating if there has been any work done in these areas will be vital in this scenario.
• Has the difficult situation changed? Maybe it was bad timing or life circumstances that got in the way. If those external factors have shifted, you might both be in a better position to try again with greater success.

Be honest with yourself here. Are these issues truly resolved or are you hoping they’ll magically disappear? You really have to look at the situations for what they are and not just what you want or hope to see. Don’t ignore the red warning flags, but also be open to seeing the green flags if there’s a possibility they might now be there. If you’re not sure, maybe a little more time apart might be needed for further clarity before jumping back into any commitments.

Step Four: Weigh the New Circumstances

Life doesn’t stand still and new circumstances bring new challenges. Since your breakup, a lot may have changed for either one or both of you.

• Have you or they gone through a divorce or do you have children now? These new realities add layers of complexity. If either of you now have kids, you’ll need to consider how rekindling the relationship could impact them and whether either of you have logistically have the time to prioritize working on the relationship given their other life priorities and responsibilities. Kids will ultimately always come first, so consider if your relationship could still thrive given the addition(s) in conjunction with the work it might take in order to be successful and fulfilling this time around.
• Are there new commitments or challenges? Maybe one of you moved for a job or has taken on greater responsibilities at work that would affect a potential relationship. Again, if time and/or distance were factors before, what would that look like now with the new commitments and what are each of your expectations now given the new circumstances?

Ask yourself whether your lives are compatible now in ways they weren’t before. Really evaluate and be open with one another (and yoursel) if your current lives are conducive to restablishing the relationship at this time.

Step Five: Get Real About Trust, Boundaries, and Respect

Trust is a non-negotiable foundation of any relationship. If your breakup involved broken trust, betrayal, or boundary issues, you need to be honest about whether those wounds have healed and if the behaviors that lead to the pain still exist.

• Can trust be rebuilt? If your ex hurt you deeply, rebuilding trust is going to take time and effort and it’s okay to question whether it’s worth the emotional investment.
• Are you able to establish healthy boundaries? Both of you should be clear on what you’re willing to accept this time around. If boundaries were a struggle before, now is the time to establish them. You need to really think about what’s important, use your voice, and stand your ground and walk away if needed knowing you’re doing what’s best for you should your partner not be able or willing to respect your boundaries. It’s not about asking anyone to change their lifestyle or habits, but just letting it be known what your needs and non-negotiables are and allowing each other to see whether or not you can meet those needs for each other. Communication, openness, and acceptance from both sides is crucial.

You both need to be willing to be patient, realizing that it’s a process and might take some time to get it right. If the effort and willingness are there, there is always hope. But if your partner isn’t willing to be forgiving when you have a day that you’re struggling more with trust and need a little extra reassurance, and have grace with the path it would take to succeed to rebuild trust, that’s definitely something to consider before making your decision. A compassionate and understanding partner is paramount in any relationship, but especially when there’s a situation as fragile as rebuilding broken trust.

Step Six: Think About Family and Friends

We sometimes overlook the fact that breakups don’t just affect the two people involved. They can also have a big impact on everyone around them. The longer time you and your ex were together, the more likely love grew for the family and friends in both of your lives. Consider how your breakup involved and affected those closest to you.

• How do your family and friends feel? Did things get ugly during the breakup or was it amicable? If the people who care about you were hurt or worried, it’s worth considering their perspective and how your rekindling the relationship might affect them.
• Have they forgiven your ex or moved on? While this doesn’t mean you should let others dictate your choices in partners or the status of your relationship, the opinions of those who know and love you most can be valuable and offer you insight that you might be too close to the situation to see yourself.

At the end of the day, the life you build with your partner is private and nobody else’s business or decision. I would never tell you to base your most important decisions on opinions of others, no matter who they are in your life (children excluded). However, your mate and your family/friends are all going to be in your life simultaneously so you want to make sure the relationship is supported and everyone will be comfortable around the holiday dinner table or if the time comes to give away the bride, or at least be able to “fake” it amicably. Most of the people in your life, I’m sure, just want to see you happy which is where their protective nature typically comes from. So if you’re happy with your decisions, it’s likely they will be too and happy to support you.

Step Seven: Ask Yourself If It’s Worth It

In the end, this decision comes down to whether letting your ex back in feels like it could lead to something positive or whether it’s a path you’ve already been down and it’s time to keep walking.

• Could this be a new chapter? If both of you have grown, resolved past issues, and are ready to approach things with fresh eyes, maybe this is a chance to start anew.
• Or is it time to run away (again)? If you feel a sinking sense of dread at the thought of returning to old patterns, it might be time to remember why you walked away in the first place. Also think about how you feel about them in general now or when you’re with them. Do you feel the same attraction or spark that you once did or do they give you an icky feeling now?

Think about the overall feeling you had with them and how things ended. Now that you have a little perspective, are you sad, relieved, or indifferent that the relationship ended? Consider what you had to go through to heal and start moving forward after the breakup, and if you would want to (or be able to) do that all over should the relationship not work out once again.

Step Eight: Be Clear on What You Both Want This Time Around in the Beginning

Before jumping back in fully to where you left off, it’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page about the type of relationship you’re looking for and how quickly you want things to move. Since you’ve already had a committed relationship in the past, there may be a temptation to quickly pick up where you left off and get serious right away. But sometimes, it can be worth it to approach things slowly, as if you’re truly starting from scratch with someone new. After all, if you’ve both done the work and put in effort to grown and learn about yourselves and the relationship, it sort of is like you are new people and might be worthwhile to treat the relationship as such.

• Take it slow, like you’re dating again. Try going out a few times without the pressure of commitment, allowing yourselves to see each other with fresh eyes. By starting from a more casual place, you might discover new aspects of each other that you may have missed before. Maybe keep dates light and fun without super heavy conversations at first to see if what initially attracted you before is still there before you get into fine tuning all the important details.
• Hold off on exclusivity and physical intimacy (at least for now). Rather than diving into the “official” labels right away and get too involved physically, give yourselves a chance to see how things are now without feeling pressured to make any permanent decisions or your feelings and emotions being influenced. This time, it’s about finding out if who you each are NOW aligns with where you both want to go.

Taking things slow gives both of you the freedom to rediscover each other naturally without expectations or pressure. It’s a chance to build something new from a familiar foundation with someone you most likely care deeply about, but with the space to decide if this is truly what you both want moving forward. Once you decide if everything seems aligned and that you want to move forward, start having those important conversations and addressing any issues so you can move into exclusivity and commitment again knowing that you enjoy each other, have done the work to make it work, and are ready to give it your full effort for success and happiness.

Final Thoughts: Trust Yourself

Whatever decision you make, trust yourself. You know your ex, your heart, your desires, and your life better than anyone else. Whether you choose to let them back in or decide to close that chapter for good, know that your well-being and goals for your life come first.

Sometimes, people do grow and change, and giving them another chance can lead to something beautiful. Sometimes the best relationships actually stem from a rocky beginning and the unconditional love and commitment that can only be formed by going through the worst and most difficult times together. Other times, it’s best to honor the lessons you learned and keep moving forward until you find someone more suited to your wants and needs in a partner. When going through my divorce, one of the best pieces of advice and reassurance I was given was “sometimes you can’t start a new chapter until you end the previous one”. So even though we have a comfort and familiarity with our ex, sometimes old habits won’t open new doors and it’s best to really be sure things have changed before jumping back in. But whatever you choose, do it for you, not out of loneliness (yours or theirs!), fear, or pressure. You deserve peace, happiness, and love that uplifts you.

Much love and wishing you a happily ever after (no matter what that looks like),

-LS

The (Not-So-Scientific) Guide to Birth Order: What to Expect When You Have 3+ Kids

by Lindsay | Aug 21, 2024 | Love + Relationships

Hey there, moms of multiple children!

Let’s talk about birth order. If you’ve got a family with three kids (or more), you probably already know the dynamics of your children and don’t need me to share birth order stereotypes with you. But whether you’re a pro, you’re considering adding more chaos to your household, or just reflecting on your own childhood with your siblings, here’s a breakdown of what you might expect from your little squad due to their position in the family lineup, simply based on some fun things I’ve witnessed from knowing families with multiple children. No science here, just my personal observations.

The Oldest Child: The Responsible Ruler of the Household

• Nickname: The Mini-Me
• Stereotypical Traits:
  • Super responsible
  • Overachiever
  • Perfectionist
  • Slightly anxious
  • Always reminding everyone of the rules (even you!)
• Why they’re like this:
  As the oldest, they’re natural-born leaders and are the pros at managing the chaos of all their younger siblings. With parents figuring out their first round of parenting and still being super fresh, the oldest steps up early, learning how to be organized, reliable, and, let’s be honest, a bit of a perfectionist and anxious to always make mom and dad happy with them. They love to please and are great at helping make your job a little easier just because they love you so much, along with craving the healthy structures and discipline that you’ve set up for them. They’re typically the first to pick up their room without you having to ask 100 times and know the importance of finishing homework and helping their siblings before having screen time. Picture your firstborn, already acting like a mini-adult at age 7 by making sure everyone has their seatbelt on or quietly ensuring you didn’t forget their younger sibling’s jacket as you rush out the door. They’re the ones who might even ask if you remembered snacks before you’ve had your first sip of coffee. This kind of maturity only grows with time and by their teenage years, they’re practically co-parenting with you (just kidding!). All jokes aside, obviously they’re still kids and we would never expect this of them, but these positive traits can be a huge help to you during the busiest of seasons and also often set them up for great things in their future lives. They tend to grow into successful, responsible adults who are often the go-to friend for advice or the coworker who keeps the team on track. You might find your firstborn growing up to be an amazing parent of their own or a hard working manager, teacher, or even the perfect PTA president (the kind who remembers to send out meeting reminders weeks in advance).

The Middle Child: The Sweet, Under-the-Radar Peacekeeper

• Nickname: The Invisible Mediator
• Stereotypical Traits:
  • The peacekeeper
  • Super affectionate
  • Quiet nature (but can be dramatic if overlooked too often)
  • Expert negotiator
  • A bit of a people-pleaser
• Why they’re like this:
  Middle children thrive on connection and balance, and they often become the glue that holds their family together. Having spent years navigating the dynamics between their bossy older sibling and free spirited younger sibling, and sometimes diffusing sticky sibling war situations, they develop incredible empathy and people skills. They’re the ones who know how to see every side of an argument, making them fantastic mediators and able to read the room in many situations. Your middle child might be the one quietly ensuring everyone is happy, handing a snack to their younger sibling when no one’s watching, or quickly offering a solution to keep the peace when a toy battle breaks out. They’ve mastered the art of keeping everyone content and you might even catch them consoling you with a hug when you’ve had a long day. Despite their occasional dramatics (which all kids are apt to experience from time to time anyway), since middle born children love to please and try to be the one who creates the least conflict, their overall quiet nature can make them easy to overlook or accidentally forget at the grocery store (again, kidding!). Their ability to stay calm and bring harmony to the household is actually a superpower! These traits can lead them to excel in careers like counseling, human resources, or even diplomacy – or anywhere else their ability to smooth things over shines like becoming a lawyer. Plus, middle children often become the heart of their own families, raising their own babies who feel deeply loved and understood.

The Youngest Child: The Free-Spirited Chaos Coordinator

• Nickname: The Wild Card
• Stereotypical Traits:
  • Rule-breaker
  • Attention-seeker
  • Spoiled just enough to be charming
  • Sweet and sneaky
  • The loudest in the room
• Why they’re like this:
  By the time the third child arrives, parents are no longer running as tight of a ship. They’re more like captains of a pirate crew. Rules? Wait, what rules? The youngest enjoys the luxury of more laid-back parenting, which means they take full advantage and think the rules don’t apply to them by often getting away with things that would have had the oldest in timeout for a week. The youngest child benefits from this more relaxed parenting, which allows them to grow into confident, free-spirited individuals. They’re used to being surrounded by people, love the attention (and they’re super cute so we love that for them), and often develop into outgoing, creative adults who aren’t afraid to push boundaries. Imagine your youngest breezing into the room, pajamas on inside out, having just painted the dog’s tail. You start to say something, but first they flash that cheeky grin of theirs, grab a cookie, and casually slink away to the next mischief they’re about to create (because they’re stealthy little operators when they want to be!). And you let them, because let’s face it, you’re too tired to deal with it right now and you’ve already learned to pick your battles. These babies of the family are the ones who know how to lighten the mood after a long day with all their playful antics and you just can’t help but laugh at this point. They’ve got an effortless way of keeping things fun and exciting, even if it means bending the rules here and there. That charm and ability to capture attention can translate into careers in entertainment, sales, or entrepreneurship, or anywhere else they can let their big personality shine. And let’s face it, the youngest has learned how to charm their way into hearts, making them the perfect mix of fun, charming, and affectionate.

So, What’s the Takeaway?

At the end of the day, birth order might theoretically influence your kids, but they’re all unique little humans. Sure, you might catch your oldest kid organizing a family meeting, your middle child mediating a “who-ate-the-last-cookie” argument, and your youngest climbing the furniture like a tiny monkey. But no matter what, they’re all full of love, laughter, and maybe just a little mischief, attitude, and drama. And we wouldn’t want it any other way!

Remember: Parenting is a wild ride. Don’t take these funny stereotypes too seriously. After all, whether you’ve got one kid or ten, each child is an adventure of their own and we love them each for their uniqueness no matter what.

Cheers to parenting multiple children and as always, lots of love from one mom to another!

-LS