You may be asking yourself, what exactly is an overthinker? Well, based on my own experience and understanding, an overthinker is someone who analyzes and dwells on scenarios way more than they should. By “they,” I absolutely mean me. I’m definitely an overthinker. I didn’t always know it, but lately, especially when dealing with difficult situations, I’ve realized I 100% am.
I don’t know if this is a medically diagnosable thing (although I’m sure whatever the underlying cause is), but from what I’ve gathered through researching online, being an overthinker can mean both worrying about something before it happens and reliving it obsessively after it happens. I’m unfortunately plagued with both. I often find that I run situations, scenarios, or conversations through my head over and over to prepare myself for how they might go. Additionally, if I go through a situation that I’m not completely happy with—like if I feel like I said the wrong thing or embarrassed myself—I’ll replay that scene in my head a million times. I think I do this to both try and rationalize what I said or did, and to see if it could have played out differently or try to gauge other peoples’ reactions to see if I should actually feel embarrassed.
I know this all sounds exhausting. I get it. I always knew I was a worry wart. I get it from my mom, who still worries about me and my daughter to this day. But what I didn’t realize is just how common overthinking is or how much of an effect it can have on a person. Stress can manifest itself not only mentally, but also physically. It can lead to stomach aches, lack of sleep, affect our ability to maintain a healthy weight, and even more serious issues if not managed. I believe overthinking is a huge cause of stress and anxiety, so it’s important that we take the time to recognize we have these tendencies and work on them.
How Does Someone Become an Overthinker?
There isn’t one simple answer to this, but overthinking often stems from deeper emotional or psychological roots. Trauma, ongoing anxiety, or difficult past experiences can all lead someone to become an overthinker. It’s almost like our brains are trying to protect us from getting hurt again by preparing for every possible outcome. Overthinkers tend to feel like they need control over situations and outcomes because they fear the unknown or being caught off guard. I definitely feel I have a strong tendency to want to always be prepared no matter what situation pops up. I believe this is why I typically carry such a large purse with everything except the kitchen sink in it and always, always have spare toothbrushes and plenty of toilet paper on hand at home at all times.
For many, overthinking is tied to perfectionism—constantly analyzing whether we’ve done something “right” or how we could have done it better. It’s not just about wanting to get things perfect; it’s often rooted in deeper insecurities and a fear of rejection, especially in relationships. Whether it’s romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, overthinkers tend to worry about losing the people they care about. If you’ve experienced abandonment or hurt early in life, your mind may be wired to anticipate problems, trying to prevent that pain from happening again. This can lead to additional anxiety and even people-pleasing behaviors, where instead of enjoying and appreciating the present, you’re constantly trying to make sure everything is “right” to avoid losing those connections or disappointing anyone you care about. It’s exhausting and emotionally draining, but recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free.
What Other Characteristics Do Overthinkers Tend to Have?
Beyond just replaying scenarios, overthinkers often:
Struggle with decision-making: It’s hard to make choices because we fear making the wrong one. We get stuck weighing every possible outcome, often leading to “analysis paralysis.”
Need reassurance: Whether it’s about a relationship, a decision, or something small, we tend to seek validation from others to feel more secure about our choices.
Second-guess ourselves: Overthinkers frequently question their own actions, wondering if they said or did the right thing, often well after the moment has passed.
Catastrophize situations: We can jump to the worst-case scenario and assume the worst will happen, even when there’s no evidence to suggest that it will.
Fear failure or rejection: This fear can cause overthinkers to obsess over the possibility of failing or being rejected in any area, from work to relationships.
What Can Be Done to Help?
I’ll be honest, I’m still working through this myself, but just recognizing that you’re an overthinker is the first step. Admitting that it’s something you struggle with is not only okay, it’s a necessary part of growth. Now more than ever, I’ve been committed to illuminating all the parts of my life that I struggle with and actively and intensionally working toward growth in those areas. It’s better for my, my health, and all the people I interact with at work and in my personal relationships. Overthinking isn’t a healthy habit and not one that I’ve really talking about before, but there’s no shame in having areas of ourselves we need to work on. It’s all part of being human.
Here are some ways you can start taking steps to manage overthinking and ease your mind:
Talk to a professional: If your overthinking feels overwhelming, reaching out to a therapist or counselor can be really helpful. They can teach you coping strategies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) that help you break the cycle of overthinking.
Read self-help books or listen to podcasts: There are so many resources out there from experts in mental health. Books, audiobooks, and podcasts can provide new insights and techniques that you can implement at your own pace.
Talk to friends or loved ones: Sometimes just voicing your thoughts can help get them out of your head. Friends can provide an outside perspective, and you might be surprised to find that they struggle with similar things.
Practice mindfulness or intention-setting: Mindfulness is all about staying present in the moment and letting go of worries about the future or past. Simple techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling can help quiet your mind. Setting daily intentions can also help shift your focus away from perfectionism and over-analysis.
Pray or meditate: If you’re someone who finds comfort in spirituality, prayer or quiet reflection can help you let go of some of the stress and anxiety that overthinking brings. Trusting in a higher power or in the universe can help ease that need to control everything.
Take small steps towards change: You don’t have to fix overthinking overnight. Focus on small, manageable steps that help you work through your thoughts in a healthier way. For example, when you catch yourself replaying a scenario, try to ask yourself, “Is this helpful?” and gently guide your thoughts elsewhere.
Remember, it’s okay to admit you’re an overthinker and you’re definitely not alone. So many of us struggle with this (and a plethora of other things as well!), but the key is that once you recognize it, you can start to make changes—when you are ready. You have the power to reclaim your peace of mind and health, one step at a time.
With all my love, support, and understanding, as always,
As we move into our 30s and 40s, life often feels like it’s taken on a steady rhythm. Many of us have finished school, established our careers, and started growing our families. And while that brings a sense of accomplishment, it also means that much of our time and energy is devoted to others—our husbands, our kids, our jobs, our households, our pets, our aging parents, etc.. But once you’ve got the routine of your everyday life down, this stage can also offer a beautiful opportunity: to reconnect with ourselves and rediscover the things we once loved, or even explore new passions that we’ve never had the time or courage to try while in the process of growing into full adulthood.
Our 30s are a time of growth and stability, but they’re also a time to nurture our well-being in ways that perhaps we’ve neglected and stir things up for ourselves to keep our brains active and creatively satisfied. In fact, we can’t be the best partner, mother, or boss babe unless we’re first the best and most happy SELF. So doing things that allow you to create and have time with your passions is vital for your well-being and self care. One of the most powerful ways to nurture this is by diving back into hobbies we used to love before the hectic life set in or trying out brand-new ones.
Why Rediscover Old Hobbies?
Think back to the things you loved to do before life got so busy. Maybe it was painting, journaling, dancing, or baking. Perhaps you loved photography or reading books that had nothing to do with self-improvement or work. These old passions are like little treasures waiting to be uncovered again. Picking them back up isn’t just about doing something fun; it’s about reconnecting with a part of yourself that’s been quiet for a while. Plus, it might be fun to see how your hobby has changed or grown throughout the years with things like new discoveries, technologies, authors, or classes available.
Engaging in these activities can bring a sense of joy and creativity into your life that spills over into every area—boosting your mood, helping you manage stress, and reminding you of who you are outside of your roles as a wife, parent, or professional.
How to Pick Up an Old Passion
If there’s a hobby you used to love but haven’t touched in years, start small. Dust off that old paintbrush, journal, or camera, and set aside 15 minutes a day or a few hours a week. It doesn’t have to be perfect or even productive. It can just be about enjoying the process, especially to start with. If you used to dance, find a class online or just dance around your living room! YouTube is an excellent way to get started with something at no cost before deciding to dive back in full time; just to be sure you still have the same passion you once did. Give yourself permission to enjoy these moments without the pressure of achieving anything. This time is for you and your creativity.
Exploring New Hobbies and Interests
Maybe your interests have shifted in the last decade or two and that’s okay! The beauty of being in your 30s or older is that we’ve learned more about who we are and what we value. So why not explore something new?
If you’ve always been curious about something but never had the time—pottery, yoga, gardening, knitting, or even learning an instrument—now is a great time to start. There’s a certain freedom in knowing you’re never too old to begin something new. Trying something unfamiliar can stimulate your mind, challenge you, and give you a fresh perspective on what you’re capable of.
Hobbies as Self-Care
Whether it’s an old passion or a brand-new interest, hobbies are a form of self-care. They give you a break from the routine and allow you to focus on something that makes you feel good. They offer a creative outlet, a way to express yourself, and a chance to decompress. When you invest in yourself, you’re better able to handle the demands of life because you’ve taken the time to fill your own cup first. I’ve recently been trying to focus on branching out my hobbies and reconnecting with my passions, as well as trying to learn as many new things as I can since I have a little more time to focus on just me. Trying new recipes, learning Spanish, reading more, and discovering new exercise routines that I love are just among the things I’ve been doing for myself lately. Here are some things you can try to help you get started as well.
Tips for Getting Started
Make Time: You don’t need hours on end. Start by carving out small pockets of time during your week to devote to your hobby.
Let Go of Perfection: This is for you! It’s okay if it’s not perfect. Focus on the joy of the process, not the outcome.
Involve Your Loved Ones (or Not!): Some hobbies can be a wonderful way to bond with family or friends, but others may be your solo time, and that’s just as valuable.
Join a Community: If your hobby feels lonely, look for local or online groups of people who share your passion. It’s a great way to make new friends and learn from others.
Keep Exploring: As we grow, so do our interests. Allow yourself to try new things and shift gears as you see fit.
Reconnecting with Yourself
This chapter of life is about so much more than the roles we play for others. It’s about rediscovering the person you are, the passions you have, and the joy you deserve to feel. So go ahead, pick up that old guitar, sign up for that pottery class, or start journaling again. Your 30s are the perfect time to reconnect with your creativity and take care of yourself in ways that truly matter. You’ve earned it!
As always, wishing you lots of love and creativity,
So, here I am, divorced and single for the first time, facing the reality that sometimes you just don’t have someone to go out with. I’ve never been one to eat alone at a restaurant or go to a movie by myself, so the thought of doing anything solo that people normally do with friends or a partner feels daunting. But lately, I’ve been asking myself: why not? Why should I wait for someone to experience fun moments with? Why not step out of my comfort zone and do the things I love… for myself?
That’s exactly what I did the other night when I went to a concert alone. For the first time ever. This was huge for me because I’m the kind of person who would feel awkward just sitting by myself in a café or dark movie theater, let alone standing at a concert. But here’s the thing—I didn’t want to sit at home (crying at a sad chick flick haha) just because I didn’t have a friend or boyfriend to go with me. So, I decided to be brave.
Taking That First Step Alone
I was scrolling social media and saw that one of my favorite local country artists was playing in my town that evening. I asked if anyone was free last minute to go with me and everyone I know (all 2 people haha) said they were busy. The tickets were only a cheap $10 for general admission ticket to this small, intimate venue. It’s not one of those massive, crowded concerts where you can blend into the sea of people. Nope. It was more low-key, which actually made me nervous and feel like I was going to stand out being alone. But I put on my big girl undies and decided I was going to go anyway.
I figured, worst-case scenario, I could always leave if I felt too awkward. I’d only have wasted $10 if that was the case. The moment I got there, I could feel the nerves kicking in. Actually, if I’m being honest, I was nervous on the drive over, but just kept telling myself it was no big deal. I could always leave if I needed to and the best part was I wouldn’t even have to arrange for a friend to call with a fake emergency like I’d have to if I was trying to escape a bad blind date.
At first, it was a little strange because, let’s be real, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was constantly checking my phone and watching the college football score on one of the TVs, but slowly, I got more comfortable. That could have been the White Claw I was starting to feel as well, haha! But seriously, nobody seemed to notice or care that I was by myself. Everyone was focused on the band, just like they should be. And guess what? I even had a friend (my own “hype man,” if you will) text me words of encouragement the whole time, cheering me on as I fought through those initial moments of awkwardness and fear.
A Solo Adventure Turned Sweet
By the end of the night, something cool happened. I stopped caring what anyone thought, started dancing a little more (and by “dancing” I mean moving side to side and nodding my head haha!), and I met a couple of people who started chatting with me randomly. I even got to say hello to the band members, who actually remembered me from meeting them at a previous show. I took pictures with them which I proudly displayed on social media the next day. It turned into a surprisingly fun evening. The moral? Stepping out of my comfort zone wasn’t just a challenge—it was rewarding. To my surprise, once I loosened up, I had a genuinely good time!
Sure, there were moments when I wished I had someone to dance with, especially when all the couples in front were doing their best country swinging. But in hindsight, I wasn’t really missing out, because I don’t know how to dance like that anyway (maybe that’s something I can try next!). The key is that I pushed through the fear of looking silly or being alone and I’m so proud of myself for doing it.
Dating Yourself is a Game-Changer
This night out got me thinking: why don’t we do this more often? We’re so conditioned to think we need someone to enjoy the things we love. But here’s the truth: you can absolutely treat yourself to a great night out, no matter what your relationship status is. In fact, especially if you’re single! I treated myself to a concert, a drink, and even picked up a pizza on the way home for the ultimate solo date night. And you know what? It was awesome.
When you’re single, there’s this temptation to feel like you’re waiting for something—or someone—to come along and complete your experiences. I know that’s an extremely common thought in my mind. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to wait. Life is happening right now and you deserve to enjoy it before it passes you by. What are you waiting for?!
Why You Should Try It Too
If you find yourself with a night off, a canceled plan, or just some free time without the kiddos (or even husband if you are married), why not take yourself out? Here’s my challenge to you: pick something you’d normally do with a friend or your partner, and go solo. It could be a concert like mine, a movie, dinner at your favorite restaurant, a hike and picnic, or even a mini road trip to a new spot you’ve been wanting to check out.
Here’s why you should:
It Builds Confidence: Doing something on your own, especially when it feels intimidating, builds a new level of self-trust. You realize that you’re capable of enjoying yourself and that you don’t need others to validate your experiences.
It’s Liberating: There’s something freeing about not having to coordinate with anyone else’s schedule or preferences. You get to pick exactly what you want to do and enjoy it at your own pace.
You Get to Know Yourself: When you’re alone, you’re more in tune with your own thoughts and feelings. It’s a chance to reflect and really understand what makes you truly happy.
It’s a Form of Self-Love: Treating yourself to experiences, whether it’s a night out or just indulging in something you enjoy, is an act of self-love. You’re sending yourself the message that you’re worth it (which you are!).
Don’t Wait—Enjoy Now
If you’re single, like me, you might be tempted to think, “I’ll start doing these things when I meet someone special.” But here’s a little secret: you’re someone special right now! And if you’re going to love yourself, why wait? Go date yourself. Treat yourself to the experiences you want to have because you deserve them.
The bottom line is that we shouldn’t let being alone stop us from enjoying life. Sure, it can feel awkward at first, but with a little courage and a lot of self-kindness, you’ll find that stepping out of your comfort zone is more than worth it. You never know who you’ll meet along the way or what other experiences and opportunities it could lead to. Plus, as Miley Cyrus kindly reminded us of, you can buy your own flowers and sometimes it feels great to do just that.
So next time you’re sitting at home wondering if you should just wait until someone’s free, do what I did—get up, grab your bag, and go. Whether it’s a concert, a movie, or a simple dinner, you’ll be glad you did. I promise!
And who knows? You might even meet some cool people along the way. But even if you don’t, the night is still yours to enjoy.
With lots of love and encouragement to try something new or scary,
I want to share something that has been on my mind lately and I’m sure it’s something many of you can relate to. Have you ever stopped to think about how nice it is to feel needed? I know I have, especially lately. As women in our 30s, many of us are navigating through life changes and this feeling of being needed can sometimes be a major source of our identity and fulfillment, especially for those of us who are wives and/or mothers. After all, women are designed to be nurturers so it’s only natural to have a desire to be needed.
For me, this feeling has been somewhat of a struggle recently. I often find myself reflecting on the various aspects of my life and even more now given all the changes and challenges I’ve endured. My roles have significantly changed and it’s left me questioning my feelings about my purpose and self worth. Recently, I heard someone mention how nice it is to feel needed, and wow, it really resonated with me. That hit me so hard and it got me thinking about the times in my life when I’ve felt the most fulfilled, and many of those moments have been when I’ve been needed by others — whether it’s by my partner, my daughter, or even my furballs.
Lately, though, I’ve found myself grappling with not feeling as needed as I used to. It’s a bit of a shift, isn’t it? When your children grow up and become more independent or when circumstances change and your role as a caregiver evolves, it’s difficult. I’ve found myself wondering about my value as a person and a woman now that I’m not needed in the same ways.
And let’s talk about pets for a moment. They’re wonderful companions, no doubt about it. I’m grateful for them and couldn’t even begin to tell you how nice it is to have their companionship in my home. But as fulfilling as it is to care for them, it can be overwhelming (especially when you have SIX of them) and it’s just not quite the same as the need we feel from a partner or a child. Plus, their conversation skills aren’t all that great either (haha).
So, when major life changes occur and we’re no longer needed, where does that leave us? How can we navigate this feeling of not being needed in the same ways and find fulfillment once again in other aspects of our lives?
1. Redefine Your Identity
First and foremost, it’s important to remember that our worth is not solely defined by being needed by others or what we can give to others. We are complex, multifaceted individuals with so much more to offer than just our caregiving abilities. Take some time to rediscover the other parts of yourself that you may have put on hold while you were needed in a different capacity. Reflect on what makes you truly happy without the gratification of serving others.
2. Cultivate Self-Care
Now is the perfect time to invest in self-care. Whether it’s through a new hobby, a fitness routine, or even just some quiet time to yourself with a facemask, popcorn, and binge-watching your favorite show, self-care is essential for maintaining a positive sense of self-worth.
3. Build Other Relationships
While the dynamics of our relationships may change, there are still plenty of opportunities to connect with others. Strengthen your friendships, reconnect with family members outside of your home, or consider volunteering in your community. Building and nurturing these relationships can provide a new sense of purpose and fulfillment.
4. Set New Goals
Setting new goals and aspirations can help to create a sense of purpose. Whether it’s a career goal, a personal milestone, or a new adventure, having something to work towards can be incredibly motivating and fulfilling.
5. Practice Gratitude
Lastly, practicing gratitude can help to shift your focus from what you feel you may have lost to what you have to be thankful for. Take time each day to reflect on the positive aspects of your life and the things that bring you joy. Maybe even start a gratitude journal where you can capture what you’re grateful for each day and go back to reflect on days where you might be struggling more than others.
Feeling needed is a natural and fulfilling part of life, but it’s important to remember that our worth goes beyond this feeling. By redefining our identity, practicing self-care, building relationships, setting new goals, and being thankful, we can find fulfillment in many different aspects of our lives. And remember, you are not alone in this journey. We are all navigating through these changes together.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Have you experienced a similar shift in your life? Let’s continue this conversation. Your perspective is always valued and appreciated!
Wading in the uncharted waters of new love after experiencing betrayal and heartache can feel like stepping onto a tightrope without a safety net. The wounds from past relationships, especially infidelity and divorce, can leave deep scars that cast shadows of doubt and insecurity on our ability to trust again. As women who have weathered storms of disappointment and betrayal, it’s natural to approach new relationships with a mixture of hope and trepidation. But amidst the uncertainty, there lies the possibility of healing, growth, and love that surpasses past pain.
As someone who understands the weight of emotional baggage and the struggle to feel worthy of love after being hurt, I want to share some insights on how to navigate these murky waters and find solace in the embrace of a new relationship. I’m still going through this myself and by no means have it all figured out. I also find that although my head knows the right thing to do, sometimes putting it into practice in the moment is hard. One important step is to find a partner who’s understanding and empathetic, willing to be patient and reassuring, and is committed to you, your healing, and building a healthy and long lasting relationship with you. The fact is, we all have baggage. Finding the person willing to unpack it all with you (and you with them), your ride-or-die, is the most important part.
Acknowledge Your Feelings:
The first step towards healing is acknowledging your emotions. It’s okay to feel vulnerable, insecure, and afraid. By allowing yourself to feel these emotions without judgment from yourself or from others (again, this is where the right partner is paramount), you pave the way for healing and self-discovery. Once you figure out how you truly feel and discern your worries, you can begin to take the next steps toward moving forward.
Honor Your Past, Embrace Your Present:
Your past does not define your future. While it’s essential to acknowledge the pain of your previous relationship, it’s equally important to recognize that you deserve happiness and love in the present moment. Embrace the opportunity for a fresh start and allow yourself to be open to new possibilities. The person you’re with now isn’t anyone from your past. Even though it might be hard to put the past behind you, try your best to look toward a positive future with someone who genuinely cares about you and your happiness.
Communicate Openly:
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship (no matter the type of relationship, but especially a romantic one). Be honest with your partner about your fears and insecurities. Expressing your feelings allows for vulnerability and fosters a deeper connection based on trust and understanding of one another. Opening op to your partner might help them to respect you more and even encourage them to open up deeper to you as well.
Set Boundaries:
Establishing boundaries is crucial in rebuilding trust and safeguarding your emotional well-being. Clearly communicate your needs and expectations with your partner and don’t be afraid to assert yourself if something doesn’t feel right. You can’t live in fear that your boundaries won’t be respected and that might cause you to lose someone. If that’s the case, it could just be they’re not the right person for you and it’s better to know that now.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself during this journey of healing. Practice self-care and self-love, nurturing your mind, body, and soul. You’re worthy of love and deserve to be cherished just as you are. If you aren’t compassionate with yourself and set an example, how can you expect your new partner to show you compassion/?
Trust Your Intuition:
Trust your instincts when it comes to discerning whether someone is genuinely invested in your well-being. Pay attention to red flags, but also allow yourself to trust in the possibility of love and connection. Even though it’s important not to project past relationship traumas onto new relationships, it’s also important to keep in mind that if it doesn’t feel right, it might not be and that’s okay.
Take It Slow:
Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is trust. As much as you want to give unwavering trust from day one, that’s not always realistic in a new relationship of any kind. Take your time getting to know your new partner and allow the relationship to unfold naturally. Rushing into things may exacerbate feelings of insecurity and doubt. Again, trust your gut!
Seek Support:
Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or a therapist who can offer guidance and encouragement along the way. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can provide comfort and validation. You want to put the best and most healthy version forward in any relationship you enter into, but also have the ability to recognize red flags and know when to walk away. Learning to know the difference can help save you from potential heartache, but with proper support and guidance, can help you establish a long-lasting and beautifully trusting relationship.
Focus on Personal Growth:
Use this time to focus on your personal growth and self-discovery. Invest in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment and cultivate a sense of independence and confidence outside of the relationship. Allow your partner time to be an individual as well. Building a strong sense of separation and time to miss each other early on can help develop healthy routines and patterns in your relationship that can be sustained long term and lead to lasting success. As much as you want to spend time with your partner, learning to trust them during times you’re not together is important and having your own separate activities outside of the relationship is a great way to practice that.
Believe in Second Chances:
Lastly, believe in the power of second chances. While the scars of past hurt may linger, they do not have to define the course of your future. Allow yourself to embrace the possibility of love, knowing that you are stronger and wiser because of your experiences. This might even be the case for your partner as well, so embrace each other, your baggages, and learn to love and trust each other in healthy ways. You’re a team so work together to achieve a beautiful relationship and break free from insecurities in time.
Remember, dear friends, healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Trust that the right person will see your worth and treasure the beautiful soul that you are. You are deserving of love, happiness, and a future filled with hope and possibility. Hold your head up high, be confident, and feel secure in yourself and your relationship. Even if that’s easier said than done right now, trust me, it will be worth it in the end!
It’s with an extremely heavy heart that I share that our sweet little shop cat, Jewels, passed away today. I’m so grateful that I was able to say goodbye to her yesterday evening and that we were blessed with an amazing 16 years with her. But as one of my longest friendships (both pet and people), it’s really hard to imagine going to work every day without her. She started out as a scrappy street cat who was adopted to help keep the field mice away from the office (we’re located in the country in between two corn fields). She was fierce and feisty, earning her a nickname of “Crazy”. However, in her older age, she calmed down quite a bit and became a talkative and snuggly lovebug who loved to eat and throw up hairballs. Last year when I was going through my divorce, she would sit with me after everyone else left for the day and simply be there for me, purring away as I cried and poured my heart out to her. She was the perfect little friend and always there when I needed her. They say pets are sometimes better than people because the only time they’ll ever hurt us is when it’s time to say goodbye. I believe that’s true. The office isn’t going to be the same without her. I’m going to miss her dearly.
Rest well my sweet angel. “I’ll see you tomorrow”.
Losing a pet can be an incredibly painful experience. These companions often become cherished members of our families and become such important parts of our home (or work) lives. They provide unconditional love, affection, and joy. When they pass on, it can leave an emptiness in our hearts and a profound sense of loss. Coping with the grief of losing a pet is a deeply personal journey, but there are ways to navigate through this difficult time and find healing. I’ve actually lost 4 pets in total in the last 4 years, including our “Crazy” girl, Jewels, along with my German Shepherds, Vada, Lukas, and Logan. It definitely doesn’t get easier no matter how many times you have to experience it, but there are things we can do to help us get through the pain a little bit at a time.
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve:
The loss of a pet is a significant event and it’s important to acknowledge and validate your feelings of grief. Give yourself permission to mourn and express your emotions in whatever way feels right for you. Whether it’s crying, talking to friends and family, looking through old photos and videos of your pet, or just spending time alone, allow yourself the space to grieve without judgment. There’s also no time limit on grief and it’s a process that’s different for everyone. Have grace and patience with yourself as you walk through it and ask your loved ones to support you in those same ways as well.
Celebrate Your Pet’s Life:
Instead of focusing solely on the loss, celebrate the life and memories you shared with your pet. Create a scrapbook or photo album filled with happy moments, funny pictures, and cherished memories like their “gotcha day” or birthdays. Reflecting on the joy your pet brought into your life can help ease the pain of their absence. Try to feel comfort in the fact that even though their life was too short, they spent it with you and you showed them unconditional love until the very end. They were happy and had a good life because you were a part of it.
Reach Out for Support:
During this difficult time, don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or support groups who understand the unique bond between humans and their pets. Talking to others who have experienced similar loss can provide comfort and reassurance that you’re not alone in your grief.
Create a Memorial:
Honoring your pet’s memory can be a meaningful way to cope with their loss. Planting a tree or flower in their honor, creating a memorial plaque, or making a donation to an animal charity in their name are all thoughtful ways to pay tribute to your beloved companion. If you decide to cremate your pet, maybe pick out an urn that speaks to their personality and create a special place in your home to display it, along with some items like their favorite toy, collar or leash, a candle, and some photos.
Maintain Routine and Self-Care:
While grieving, it’s important to maintain a sense of normalcy in your daily life as much as possible. As impossible as it seems to go on since they were such a huge part of your day-to-day, try to stick to your regular routines, whether it’s walking your dog’s usual route or keeping up with feeding schedules for other pets. Additionally, prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, healthy eating, and getting enough rest to support your emotional well-being during this mentally draining time.
Consider Seeking Professional Help:
If you find that your grief is overwhelming and interfering with your ability to function, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor experienced in pet loss can provide support and guidance as you walk through your grief journey.
Give Yourself Time to Heal:
Healing from the loss of a pet is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the space to heal at your own pace. Remember that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It can be a rollercoaster, with good days then not so good days, and that’s a perfectly normal part of the process. You will never fully forget, but with time it can get easier to deal with the pain and start to regain your daily life.
Consider a New Pet (When You’re Ready):
While no pet can ever replace the one you lost, opening your heart to a new animal companion can bring joy and comfort into your life. When you feel ready, consider adopting a new pet from a shelter or rescue organization. The love and companionship of a new pet can help ease the pain of your loss and bring renewed purpose and happiness into your life. I can personally attest to having other pets in my home right after losing my pets helped me tremendously. When I came home crying after losing my girl Vada, I sat on my couch and just balled. My cat came and sat with me like he knew I was hurting and just wanted to comfort me. The love and bond between us and our pets is amazing and sometimes having another one to lean on during or after a difficult time can really be beneficial.
Losing a pet is a truly heartbreaking experience, but it’s also a testament to the deep connection and love we share with our animal babies. By allowing yourself to grieve, seeking support from others, and honoring your pet’s memory, you can find healing and comfort in the midst of loss. While your pet may no longer be physically with you, the love and memories you shared will live on in your heart forever and those are the things that made your pet’s life amazing.
Even though she didn’t live with me, I saw Jewels every workday for 16 years. Honestly, there’s a good chance I’ve spent more time with her than with my own furballs, especially since she’s the longest living pet I’ve ever had. I’m going to miss her so much, but am so grateful for all the time and love we shared together. If you’re also grieving the loss of a pet, hang in there, fellow furball parents and friends. I see you and it will get better, eventually. Be patient with yourself and remember that it’s okay to feel whatever it is you need to feel for as long as you need to feel it.
