Traditional Long-Lasting Relationships
Howdy fellow romantics,
Even though we live in a world that seems to spin faster each and every day, where trends come and go as often as many of us change our underpants, the desire to have a traditional, long-lasting relationship remains a timeless aspiration for many of us. And by “us”, I absolutely do mean me included. While modern romance may emphasize and glamorize instant “microwave” gratification and casual romantic connections, there’s still something so fulfilling about the idea of a love that endures through all seasons of our lives. I often think about high school sweethearts that have been together from teenage years all the way until the end of their lives. To me, there’s nothing more beautiful than this type of unending connection.
Through all the research I’ve done since my recent divorce while trying to figure out how we failed so miserably and with the tons of self reflection I’ve done since that relationship ended, I finally feel that I have a decent grasp on what it takes to sustain a healthy and enduring marriage. And as a woman who truly cherishes the beauty of tradition and unwavering commitment, these are things I will absolutely be intentionally implementing moving forward. Today I’m here to share these insights with you as well on how to nurture a lasting love and have a traditional relationship that stands the test of time.
1. Willingness
This may seem like a no-brainer, but especially in my recent personal experience, the number one factor for a fulfilling and sustainable relationship is the willingness of both parties. Even during rough patches, if both people show up and are 100% committed to try to resolve any issue that comes along, they’re already ahead of the curve and on the road toward the success of the relationship. That’s not to say it will be an easy ride, but on the flip side, if one person isn’t willing, that’s basically a guarantee that the whole thing is doomed to fall apart.
2. Mutual Respect
The cornerstone of any lasting relationship is mutual respect. Although relationships are for sure about togetherness, it’s also vital to honor each other’s individuality, opinions, goals, and aspirations. Listen attentively, empathize sincerely, and communicate openly. These gestures demonstrate respect that will lay the foundation for trust, which is absolutely necessary for the longevity of your bond. Be sure to respect each other even during disagreements and celebrate your uniqueness, rather than looking at them as pain points that you’d like to change. When you truly respect someone for exactly who they are and accept all their flaws, you can build a relationship that’s meant to last and sets the tone for reciprocation.
3. Communication
Effective communication is the lifeline of every relationship. Be willing to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly, be transparent about EVERYTHING always, and encourage your partner to do the same. Communication isn’t just about talking, though. It’s also about actively listening and trying to truly understand each other’s perspectives to work together toward a common ground. Surface level conversations just won’t cut it either. You really need to talk and listen to each other on a deep level and know each others’ hearts inside and out. And pro tip: it’s absolutely essential to do this before marriage and getting too serious. You don’t want to skip out on the tough and uncomfortable conversations early, only to find out there are deal breakers once you’ve already married, moved in together, or started having children. Start the convos sooner rather than later so you know ahead of time that you’re on the same page or have plenty of time to get on the same page before difficult situations come up.
4. Prioritize Quality Time
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters. Make a conscious effort to prioritize quality time with your partner. Whether it’s a romantic dinner, a leisurely stroll, or simply cuddling on the couch, cherish these moments together and make time for them no matter what else is going on in your life. Invest in building shared experiences that strengthen your bond. Everyone’s needs and desires regarding frequency will vary, especially in the beginning or in less than ideal situations like long-distance relationships, but as long as the priority is made and the quality is there, quantity doesn’t necessarily have to be a hardship.
5. Make Traditions
While modernity has its charms, there’s a timeless elegance in embracing tradition. Whether it’s celebrating anniversaries, observing holidays, or upholding family values, tradition can provide a sense of continuity and stability in your relationship. Find special little rituals that resonate with both of you and weave them into the fabric of your life together. Make as many memories as you can together and with children or other loved ones that can be passed down through the generations. This will not only deepen your connection as a couple, but also as a family unit.
6. Forgiveness
Forgiveness plays a crucial role in fostering long-lasting relationships. Inevitably, conflicts and misunderstandings arise in any partnership, but it’s how we navigate these difficult moments that truly define the strength of our bond. Forgiveness allows us to let go of resentment and grudges, paving the way for healing and reconciliation. It’s about choosing to release the grip of anger and hurt, and instead extend empathy and understanding towards our partner. By demonstrating forgiveness, we create space for growth, compassion, and renewed connection within our relationship, ensuring that love prevails even in the face of adversity.
7. Practice Patience
No relationship is without its challenges. It’s essential to be patient and understanding with your spouse as you navigate the ups and downs. Be willing to look past mistakes, learn from them, and grow together. It’s not about avoiding conflicts altogether, but about resolving them with grace, dignity, integrity, and understanding for one another. Remember that you’re on the same team and working toward the same goals, so it’s likely that your partner’s mistake isn’t intentional or meant to hurt you. Being patient with them as they work through their mistakes so they can fully recognize, acknowledge, and accept what they did to upset you will hopefully help them feel safe and not judged during their low point. They’re simply a human (as are you!), so then be sure to forgive them often and fully, and move on. Patience allows us to weather storms with grace, knowing that growth and transformation require perseverance and resilience. It’s about giving our partner the time and space they need to flourish, while also being understanding and having empathy in moments of frustration or tension, or when they might be struggling and need you the most. By practicing patience and self control during challenging times, we cultivate a sense of harmony and balance within our relationship, fostering a love that endures the test of time.
8. Support Each Other’s Growth
Encourage each other to pursue personal growth and fulfillment. Celebrate each other’s achievements and be a source of strength in times of difficulty. A healthy relationship is one where both partners feel empowered to pursue their own separate dreams, while also knowing they have unending support and love at home. Our jobs as spouses are to be our partners number one cheerleader and support system, even when dreams don’t go quite as planned or take longer than expected. Always let know your partner know you’re there for them and they can rely on you as they grow into each stage of their life.
9. Nurture Intimacy
Intimacy goes beyond physical attraction and the physical act of making love. It’s also about emotional closeness and connection. Take the time to nurture intimacy through meaningful conversations, acts of kindness, and affectionate gestures. Keep the spark alive by continually exploring and deepening your bond. Kiss, hug, and hold hands. Talk openly and listen to each other. Be intentional with time spent together and really invest in opportunities to grow your bond. Whatever makes the two of you feel physically and mentally connected will help build intimacy and open the door to really feeling loved, cared for, valued, wanted, and supported by your partner.
10. Compromise, Compromise, Compromise
In every partnership, there’s bound to be differences. Nobody is the same, especially when you consider that opposites supposedly attract. So always remember that compromise is key. Be willing to meet halfway and find solutions that honor both of your needs and desires. Recognize that you’re a team and your strength lies in your ability to navigate life’s challenges together. Sometimes when you can’t come to a 50/50 agreement on a particular situation, learn to pick your battles. Let your partner have their desired outcome this time if it’s not something truly essential for you and ask them to do the same for you in the future. As long as both of you are putting in equal effort, equal sacrifice, and are equally as happy with the outcome of your life together overall, you’re on the right track.
11. Never Stop Dating Each Other
Just because you’ve been together for years doesn’t mean the romance should fade. Keep the flame alive by continuing to date each other. Surprise each other with thoughtful gestures, plan spontaneous adventures, and never underestimate the power of a simple heartfelt love letter. Even stay-at-home dates where you have dinner and a movie in pajamas on the comfort of your own couch can be plenty, especially in the young children stage of life. The most important thing is that you’re carving out special time for just the two of you without phones, kids, or other distractions and doing something together that you and your sweetie enjoy.
12. Celebrate Your Love Every Day
Remember to celebrate love every day, not just on special occasions. Express your love, gratitude, and admiration for your partner regularly. Create an atmosphere of warmth, desire, and appreciation that permeates every aspect of your relationship. Be kind to one another and always take time out of every day to make your spouse feel wanted, cared for, and special. Wake up every single morning and choose them in the good, bad, and the ugly and be sure to end every single evening with an “I love you” and never in anger.
13. Be Best Friends
Being best friends with your partner is a cornerstone of creating and sustaining a long term relationship. Life is about sharing laughter, adventures, and inside jokes. It’s about having the kind of bond and special closeness that only the two of you can understand. When we prioritize having fun together, we infuse our relationship with joy and spontaneity, keeping the spark alive even amidst life’s challenging seasons. Whether it’s exploring new hobbies, taking trips and adventures, or simply enjoying each other’s company on a relaxing Sunday afternoon, having fun together strengthens our connection and reminds us why we fell in love in the first place. It’s through these shared moments of laughter and playfulness that we deepen our friendship and create memories that last a lifetime.
14. Love Unconditionally
Loving someone wholeheartedly and without conditions may be a pretty difficult thing to do. After all, it’s the perfect kind of love, the way that God loves us. So achieving unconditional love might be extremely difficult and we may even make some mistakes along the way, but it’s paramount we try and it can truly be the difference between a relationship that lasts and one that doesn’t. Once you’ve decided on your partner and that they’re the right one for you, and you’ve fallen deeply in love with them, being all in unconditionally can form an unshakable bond. Make the choice to love them and fully commit to loving them no matter what they do, what goes on around the two of you, and through every situation that comes up throughout your time together. Don’t think about how you might be able to love them more if they did more of “this” or less or “that”. Take them exactly as they are, let them know they’re safe with you, can be completely themselves with you, and choose to love them unendingly with all their unique quirks and flaws. When there are rough days or months, always try to remember the reasons you first fell in love with them and that any struggle is only temporary. Your “ride or die” will always be by your side no matter what comes along and be sure your partner can count on you to be there for them the same way as well. Remember that the grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, but if you don’t water it over there, it won’t grow either. So in my opinion, it’s so much better to stick with the lawn that you’ve got, plant some pretty flowers, grow a garden, and watch the beautiful harvest that will unfold for a lifetime.
Building a traditional, long-lasting relationship requires dedication, commitment, and a willingness to journey together through life’s joys and challenges. By prioritizing mutual respect, effective communication, and a shared commitment for growth, you can create a love that withstands the test of time. In hindsight, although I made many mistakes as a wife and know that I’m likely to make many more mistakes in the future, it’s only now that I’m able to see that despite my mistakes it never would have worked out in the end. I simply didn’t have a partner that shared the same core values as I do and many of the things that I’ve shared here were completely non-existent. I really do believe these factors are the foundations to a long-term relationship and know that it’s possible for me in the future with the right person, just as I believe it can happen for you too. So here’s to embracing the beauty of tradition and nurturing a love that lasts a lifetime. I wish a lifetime of happiness to you and your (present or future) sweetheart as well.
With love and commitment,
-LS
