Hi friends!
Have you ever felt called to do something? Like a deep-down burning passion for something you felt you were meant to do? For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt a desire inside me like that to be a writer. However, as I sit down to write this, my very first blog post, I’m filled with not only a sense of excitement and purpose to be starting on this journey, but also of fear and uncertainty. Becoming a blogger is not just about sharing my thoughts with the internet world, but it’s also what I hope to be the beginning of fully embracing my calling as a writer.
Feeling The Fear
This is so scary because what if I fail? Or, unlike being a non-fiction writer, for example, sharing my unique perspectives and opinions through these blog posts is much more personal. What if that makes me feel a little too vulnerable for comfort and I want to give up? What if someone doesn’t agree with me or criticizes me for my opinions? Will I have a thick enough skin to brush off any possible haters? Who knows? Nevertheless, with this strong inner desire I’ve always felt to put pen to paper (well, fingers to keyboard), I really am compelled to share stories in hopes of resonating with others through my experiences.
Challenge Accepted
I feel like blogging specifically is going to be a way for me to get into a routine of practicing my writing in preparation for future projects, as well as giving me a creative outlet and a way to communicate to others far beyond on my typical day-to-day reach in my little office at work or my tiny hometown in Texas. I feel like I’ve truly lived and been through enough situations in my time on this beautiful earth that might prove to be valuable to share with others. One of my goals is for this to be so much more than just a hobby, passion project, or practice for myself though. I really do feel like writing is my divine calling and something that I just need to push through the fear to embrace to not only make myself happy and feel accomplished, but also as an opportunity to hopefully make an impact in others’ lives. To me, that’s absolutely the end goal, an added bonus, and a challenge that I hope I can live up to in the process.
How It All Started
I think this passion I feel all started sometime in my early 20s. I’m someone who isn’t embracing the aging process well mentally, which started way before it probably should have, and the thought of turning 30 was always very daunting for me. Prior to my 30th birthday, I had a sort of checklist of the things I’d envisioned for my life by the time I hit 30 and I felt so much pressure to have these things completed on time, even though I was the only one putting pressure on meeting these goals. Most of the list was comprised of what I assume to be typical pre-midlife aspirations like:
- Getting married
- Growing my family
- Buying my first home
I know those three seem pretty normal, especially for a young woman, but there was always one more on my list that I really felt strongly about accomplishing: publishing a book. I kind of think publishing a book is pretty unusual for your average twenty-something. However, for as long as I can recall, this has always been on my list and something I’ve longed to do.
I had already started my family when I had my daughter as a teenager, so technically I could cross that off the list, even thought I had always hoped to have more children. And by God’s grace alone I was able to purchase my first home all on my own just 11 days shy of my 30th birthday, so that too was miraculously able to be checked off my (self-imposed) list. Despite not being married by 30 and that probably being the one thing I felt the most outside pressure about, I have to say that honestly, the biggest disappointment at 30 was that I wasn’t yet a published author and hadn’t even officially made efforts to begin my writing journey. I really never prioritized that dream, despite always remembering having it, and reasoned that it was just because I was too busy working full time and being a single mom to my young daughter. But in all honesty, maybe it was also partially that I never really took myself seriously enough to think that I could actually publish a book or be of any real value to others with the things had to share through any writing I might produce.
My Inspiration: The Sweetest Gift from the Sweetest Girl
Knowing about my little “30-year-old bucket list”, if you will, on my 30th birthday my daughter gifted me a beautiful journal and pen. Inside the cover of the journal was a handwritten note that said:
“Since you didn’t finish your book
before your 30th birthday, now
you’ll have to finish it before mine”.
Oh my goodness, did I cry! Not only did my daughter know my dreams, but she wanted to see me achieve them and even wanted to help me do so in such a sweet way. She probably doesn’t know this, but knowing how much she was supporting me and that she was invested in my dreams was even more of a driving factor in my wanting to achieve them. What an amazing example it would be to demonstrate to my impressionable daughter to be able to be an independent, young, working mom and also accomplish my personal goals.
Not Believing In Myself Led to Procrastination
Now here we are nearly 10 years later (and only 7.5 years away from my daughter turning 30) and I’m no closer to reaching my goals than I was while approaching 30. That journal from my daughter, which will someday be the first draft of my book, is still blank at this time. My doubt in myself has led to me putting my dreams on the back burner, making excuses, and really just prolonging the timeframe in which I might actually be able to accomplish my goal.
The Rollercoaster Trying to Stop Me
Last year was truly a dumpster fire for me. I’ll save the specifics for another time, but trust me when I say it was rough. Honestly, the last 12 months have been the most difficult of my entire life. Luckily the year ended so much better than it started, but still, going through all the devastation I did so abruptly and so unexpectedly has really blindsided me and flipped my world upside down. I went through so many changes and was forced to face so many of my biggest fears all at once. But, I’m happy and proud to say with the support of my mom and daughter, and with a huge amount of faith and trust in God, I made it through! In the process, I’ve also realized that I’m so much more capable than I’ve ever dreamed I could be and with that, I have a renewed sense of motivation and determination. Combine that with the start of a new year, and I really do feel like this is the perfect time to start another new endeavor that I’ve been too afraid and been putting off for far long enough.
So this is my start. This year is the year I finally stop making excuses, procrastinating, letting fear and being in a rut stand in my way, and I start striving for my desires to write; for myself, for my daughter, and for anyone else who might stumble across this blog or anything else I might be blessed enough to write in the future.
A lot of the challenges and circumstances that began to transpire in the past year are still ongoing and yet to be 100% resolved. Along with that and the fact that I still work long full-time hours at a demanding job, I know that starting this blog and being consistent with my passion of writing will take effort. However, I really do feel that this is my time to make time for this, to prioritize this, to stop fearing this, and to embrace this. This is my calling. I can and will do it because it’s been something I’ve been longing for for so long.
In fact, earlier today I actually stumbled across a note in my phone from about 11 years ago with things I wanted to write about either in a blog post or short story format. Finding this note just solidified that this isn’t just a wild pipe dream I came up with one day. This desire to write has been something pulling at me and that I obviously have wanted to start at many different points throughout the last 10+ years. Now more than ever, in the midst of all the other changes I’ve been forced to embrace, I’m ready to change one more thing and start on my calling. If I can just push through the fear and doubt, I know it will be worth it because it’s both something for myself and something I can share with others.
Although this new journey ahead feels a little daunting, I truly feel empowered now more than ever after everything I’ve overcome the last year and that I’m finally stepping into my true purpose. I’m hoping my words have the potential to inspire, comfort, promote joy, or ignite change in those who take the time to read them. This isn’t just about fulfilling a promise to my myself and my daughter, but it’s about honoring myself and answering the call that has been tugging at me for so long. With each blog new post, I’m not only starting on this path as a writer, but also shaping myself into the embodiment of strength and creativity that I feel has always been within me. I look forward to reaching you all in the process as well. I sincerely appreciate anyone who takes the time to read these posts and share this little corner of the internet with me.
Can You Relate?
Is there something you feel strongly about that you’ve been putting off? For example, maybe you find a passion in cooking for others. Do you feel enjoyment out of preparing a beautiful meal for your loved ones? Well, maybe that’s your calling! Whether you love watching the look on your husband’s and kid’s faces as they take their first bite of a gourmet meal you made in the privacy of your own kitchen, you like donating your time to cook for others in a soup kitchen, or you decide to study at Culinary School and work in a Michelin Star restaurant, maybe cooking and seeing people enjoy the food you prepare is your calling. Take that next step and turn the tugging you feel inside into something you put into practice in your daily life, volunteer-time, or work week.
Now It’s Your Turn
Whatever it is that you’ve always felt compelled to do, whether it be a hobby, something for your family, or a new career path for you, I encourage you to no longer let fear or doubt stand in your way. This is my personal invitation to you to get out there and embrace your calling. I hope you find your true happiness and it’s the start of a brand new chapter of your life. Don’t be afraid and remember that it’s never too late. You can do this!
Happy New Year and with so much love and gratitude, welcome to my blog!
-LS