Hey, friends!

As per usual, I’ve been (over)thinking a lot lately…this time, specifically about hugs.

It started during a low moment, one of those evenings where the loneliness is heavy and you can’t seem to shake it.  I started out wondering why I felt so starved for human connection.  I live alone.  I don’t have a husband or boyfriend right now.  My daughter is grown and out of my home.  I don’t go out much.  I even pick up my groceries curbside, which is super convenient when you’re short on time after work, but also means I rarely even bump into people I know in town.

So I did what I always do when my thoughts spiral and I’m not doing anything better:  I started Googling to see if others felt what I felt and if it was “normal”.  And I was so surprised by what I found.

Did you know that some researchers say we need at least four hugs a day just to survive?  Survive!  Not thrive, but to simply survive.  And if we want to really grow emotionally, the number jumps to twelve. Twelve hugs a day to feel the healthiest and happiest!  I don’t even get twelve in a month.  Honestly, right now the only hugs I usually get are when my mom and I see each other once a week at church.

Reading that made me sit back and think:  No wonder I feel the way I do.  No wonder I crave warmth, comfort, connection.  And I don’t think I’m the only one.

If you’re in your 30s or 40s and maybe recently divorced, newly single, or adjusting to an empty house after your kids moved out, you might be feeling the absence of hugs more than ever.  Life changes fast in this season and sometimes what we miss most isn’t something big or dramatic.  It’s just the everyday closeness we once had…a warm and loving hug.  Someone reaching for your hand.  Just knowing someone’s there.

You’re not weird or broken for missing that kind of closeness.  We were created for connection and it’s all part of being human.  So if you’ve been feeling a little more alone lately, you’re not the only one.  And you’re not doing anything wrong.

Since I know I’m not the only one feeling this way, I didn’t want this realization to be in vein and to just make me feel worse.  I wanted it to mean something.  I wanted to take this insight and turn it into something that helps others.  So it made me realize I have two things to share with you as a friendly reminder:

If you have people in your life who hug you, like really hug you, please be so grateful.

If your child runs into your arms after school, if your spouse wraps you up in a bear hug every morning before work, if your best friend squeezes you every time you meet for coffee, please don’t take that for granted.  That kind of physical affection is a gift that not everyone receives.

And maybe more importantly…

Don’t forget to offer hugs, too!

You never know what someone else is carrying.  You never know how long it’s been since someone felt that simple comfort of being embraced.  It’s easy to assume people are fine just because they look “fine” on the outside or say they’re “fine”.  But sometimes hugs have a way of breaking through walls that words can’t and/or don’t.  They can be healing, reassuring, comforting in time of need.

So next time you see an old friend at the store, offer a hug.  If your sibling stops by, pull them in close.  Hug your kids extra tight tonight.  Wrap your arms around your spouse and hold on a little longer.  When you go to church next Sunday, don’t just say hello, hug someone.  Of course, always respect boundaries.  Consent and comfort matter, but you know the difference between a creepy hug and a genuine, kind, loving one.

And if you want to know what kind of hug I’m talking about, my daughter and I have a name for it.

We call them “New York hugs.”

We’re originally from New York and let me tell you, New Yorkers really know how to hug.  A New York hug isn’t one of those polite little side hugs where you barely touch shoulders.  It’s a full-body, both-arms-wrapped, I-missed-you-so-much, hold-on-for-an-extra-second kind of hug.  The kind you get from your grandma when she hasn’t seen you in a while.  Or from your auntie who holds on just a little longer than expected because she really means it.

Now I live in Texas and don’t get me wrong, I love it here, but y’all don’t hug the same.  Around here, it’s usually those quick side hugs.  But sometimes, you just need a good old fashioned bear hug.  One of those hugs that you feel in your soul.  That says “I’m so glad to see you” or “I’ve got you” or “you’re not alone in this.”

And yeah, I know it’s all about boundaries and respecting personal space and that’s SUPER important.  But when you can, when it’s welcome and appropriate, go for the real thing.  The kind of hug that lingers for a few seconds.  That extra second or two can say more than words ever could.

If someone looks like they’re struggling, just ask “Can I give you a hug?”  It might be exactly what they need.  Maybe it’s even the thing God sent you to do in that moment.

Because let’s be honest, life can be really hard.  People are lonely and isolated, especially now more than ever.  Social media, while “social”, can’t replace the need for in person human contact and connection.  And while we can’t fix everything, a simple hug when you see someone you care about might be the reminder someone needs that they matter, that they’re seen, and that they’re loved.

So today, I’m reminding you:

Go hug your people.

Hug the people you love.  Hug the people God puts in your path.  You never know how much it might mean, to you and them both.

With so much love and so many hugs,