Hello overly analytical friends!
You may be asking yourself, what exactly is an overthinker? Well, based on my own experience and understanding, an overthinker is someone who analyzes and dwells on scenarios way more than they should. By “they,” I absolutely mean me. I’m definitely an overthinker. I didn’t always know it, but lately, especially when dealing with difficult situations, I’ve realized I 100% am.
I don’t know if this is a medically diagnosable thing (although I’m sure whatever the underlying cause is), but from what I’ve gathered through researching online, being an overthinker can mean both worrying about something before it happens and reliving it obsessively after it happens. I’m unfortunately plagued with both. I often find that I run situations, scenarios, or conversations through my head over and over to prepare myself for how they might go. Additionally, if I go through a situation that I’m not completely happy with—like if I feel like I said the wrong thing or embarrassed myself—I’ll replay that scene in my head a million times. I think I do this to both try and rationalize what I said or did, and to see if it could have played out differently or try to gauge other peoples’ reactions to see if I should actually feel embarrassed.
I know this all sounds exhausting. I get it. I always knew I was a worry wart. I get it from my mom, who still worries about me and my daughter to this day. But what I didn’t realize is just how common overthinking is or how much of an effect it can have on a person. Stress can manifest itself not only mentally, but also physically. It can lead to stomach aches, lack of sleep, affect our ability to maintain a healthy weight, and even more serious issues if not managed. I believe overthinking is a huge cause of stress and anxiety, so it’s important that we take the time to recognize we have these tendencies and work on them.
How Does Someone Become an Overthinker?
There isn’t one simple answer to this, but overthinking often stems from deeper emotional or psychological roots. Trauma, ongoing anxiety, or difficult past experiences can all lead someone to become an overthinker. It’s almost like our brains are trying to protect us from getting hurt again by preparing for every possible outcome. Overthinkers tend to feel like they need control over situations and outcomes because they fear the unknown or being caught off guard. I definitely feel I have a strong tendency to want to always be prepared no matter what situation pops up. I believe this is why I typically carry such a large purse with everything except the kitchen sink in it and always, always have spare toothbrushes and plenty of toilet paper on hand at home at all times.
For many, overthinking is tied to perfectionism—constantly analyzing whether we’ve done something “right” or how we could have done it better. It’s not just about wanting to get things perfect; it’s often rooted in deeper insecurities and a fear of rejection, especially in relationships. Whether it’s romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, overthinkers tend to worry about losing the people they care about. If you’ve experienced abandonment or hurt early in life, your mind may be wired to anticipate problems, trying to prevent that pain from happening again. This can lead to additional anxiety and even people-pleasing behaviors, where instead of enjoying and appreciating the present, you’re constantly trying to make sure everything is “right” to avoid losing those connections or disappointing anyone you care about. It’s exhausting and emotionally draining, but recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free.
What Other Characteristics Do Overthinkers Tend to Have?
Beyond just replaying scenarios, overthinkers often:
- Struggle with decision-making: It’s hard to make choices because we fear making the wrong one. We get stuck weighing every possible outcome, often leading to “analysis paralysis.”
- Need reassurance: Whether it’s about a relationship, a decision, or something small, we tend to seek validation from others to feel more secure about our choices.
- Second-guess ourselves: Overthinkers frequently question their own actions, wondering if they said or did the right thing, often well after the moment has passed.
- Catastrophize situations: We can jump to the worst-case scenario and assume the worst will happen, even when there’s no evidence to suggest that it will.
- Fear failure or rejection: This fear can cause overthinkers to obsess over the possibility of failing or being rejected in any area, from work to relationships.
What Can Be Done to Help?
I’ll be honest, I’m still working through this myself, but just recognizing that you’re an overthinker is the first step. Admitting that it’s something you struggle with is not only okay, it’s a necessary part of growth. Now more than ever, I’ve been committed to illuminating all the parts of my life that I struggle with and actively and intensionally working toward growth in those areas. It’s better for my, my health, and all the people I interact with at work and in my personal relationships. Overthinking isn’t a healthy habit and not one that I’ve really talking about before, but there’s no shame in having areas of ourselves we need to work on. It’s all part of being human.
Here are some ways you can start taking steps to manage overthinking and ease your mind:
- Talk to a professional: If your overthinking feels overwhelming, reaching out to a therapist or counselor can be really helpful. They can teach you coping strategies like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) that help you break the cycle of overthinking.
- Read self-help books or listen to podcasts: There are so many resources out there from experts in mental health. Books, audiobooks, and podcasts can provide new insights and techniques that you can implement at your own pace.
- Talk to friends or loved ones: Sometimes just voicing your thoughts can help get them out of your head. Friends can provide an outside perspective, and you might be surprised to find that they struggle with similar things.
- Practice mindfulness or intention-setting: Mindfulness is all about staying present in the moment and letting go of worries about the future or past. Simple techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling can help quiet your mind. Setting daily intentions can also help shift your focus away from perfectionism and over-analysis.
- Pray or meditate: If you’re someone who finds comfort in spirituality, prayer or quiet reflection can help you let go of some of the stress and anxiety that overthinking brings. Trusting in a higher power or in the universe can help ease that need to control everything.
- Take small steps towards change: You don’t have to fix overthinking overnight. Focus on small, manageable steps that help you work through your thoughts in a healthier way. For example, when you catch yourself replaying a scenario, try to ask yourself, “Is this helpful?” and gently guide your thoughts elsewhere.
Remember, it’s okay to admit you’re an overthinker and you’re definitely not alone. So many of us struggle with this (and a plethora of other things as well!), but the key is that once you recognize it, you can start to make changes—when you are ready. You have the power to reclaim your peace of mind and health, one step at a time.
With all my love, support, and understanding, as always,
-LS